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Post by Fiona on Jul 29, 2006 15:13:54 GMT
Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown. The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way. The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black. The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes. These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?" Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'.... " and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.' Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he revelled in his natural state- free of the inhibitions society clothed him with ......"mwrhahhamsharg" he exclaimed in fluent Bo'nessian. He set off, delightfully naked, to find a wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha. He waved bye-bye to the VIB and smiled when he noticed the red suit had buried itself into all the important areas. Quaid started to wonder where he could find a sthingy, He had heard that the inhabitants of easterhouse had destroyed all the trees to make sthingys thousands of years before, so it was unlikely there would be any left, then realising they were a warrior caste he wondered if any of the older residents would still have one stashed away for protection purposes. Donning his bullet proof vest, he prepared to leave his dear Bo'ness for climes foreign and unknown - but sadly forgot to pack his universal translator. 'Never mind' he thought' I can always use sign language to communicate with them'. Wearing the VIBs magic shoes, Quaid clicked his heels and farted "ooops thats going to smell , teeeheeee if nothing else it gives the VIB something else to remember me by". Many days past before he sighted civilization (locally called govan) where he found that Easterhouse was not the roughest place on the planet after all! However having no idea where to find his sthingy he decided to ask a local - "haeuneidyawhurullfinemasthingy?" he asked, trying to pronounce each word clearly for the Govanite. 'weeeil aye an naw' said the Govanite as he readjusted his burberry baseball cap 'wassit it te ye?' he demanded.Quaid instantly knew this wasnt a good response and thought he'd try for the upper hand and replied " whits it tae may?, a ast ye a simple queschin ya bam an ye talk taemay like that ,day ye ken or no afore a chib ye fur yur cheek" To which the Govanite replied" Ma names nae ken yr wee bawbag" whilst puffing out his chest and flexing his cheap ring covered knuckles, he produced a knife, a knife like no other, such craftsmanship that Quaid had only heard about in legends. Trying to bluff his way out of a potentially sticky situation, Quaid, in his best Govanese said 'haw ya dobber, dyae hink yur man enough to come at me wi rat!' Not knowing that Quaid was trained in bo`nesian marshall arts called f**ku...quaid then jumped on the govanites toes, poked him in the eye`s and farted in his face. As the govanite lay with tears in his eyes,Quaid said "your skill with such a blade is lacking my friend but the blade has the mark of a craftsman where could i find such a blade?".The govanite pointed to the wall nearbye with a poster exclaiming STRATHCLYDE POLICE KNIFE AMNESTY and said "foaly ra sine tae ra rozers man". So Quaid minced off, wearing the VIB's shoes to find the rozzers and the wonderous knife amnesty. Maybe they would have a sthingy amnesty as well. By now it was getting dark, but sadly Quaid had no torch - having lost it earlier. The dark side streets of Govan called to him, "three for a pound three sthingys for a pound". 'Right' thought Quaid, 'now how do I get the dive buddhas utterings onto a sthingy?' As if by magic, a small asian gentleman wearing a fez appeared at his side and asked if Quaid wanted to visit his little shop - where he might try on various items of clothing. Quaid said 'alright then, but nothing funny. Don't let the shoes fool you'. He stepped through the door to be met with the wonderous site of gimp suits in all shapes and sizes. He thanked the Asian gentleman for showing him around but he had other more pressing matters to contend with. Now in possession of three sthingys purchased from the wee ned down the road, he made haste in search of the legendary Dive Buddha. Now in possession of three sthingys purchased from the wee ned down the road, he made haste in search of the legendary Dive Buddha. Quaid was puzzled , he didnt know what he was looking for, "what does a dive budha look like?" he thought. Quaid meditated on what qualities a dive buddha should possess and it cam to him..........astounding good looks, charm, an almost godlike physique and unbelievable buoyancy control. He had no idea where he would find such a god like being round these parts. He decided that he would just have carve the words, hoping that no-one would notice it hadn't been done by a dive buddha. Off he went to get a swiss army knife courtesy of a guy he knew that worked for a local ironmongers.
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Post by GScrym on Jul 31, 2006 15:42:50 GMT
Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown. The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way. The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black. The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes. These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?" Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'.... " and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.' Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he revelled in his natural state- free of the inhibitions society clothed him with ......"mwrhahhamsharg" he exclaimed in fluent Bo'nessian. He set off, delightfully naked, to find a wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha. He waved bye-bye to the VIB and smiled when he noticed the red suit had buried itself into all the important areas. Quaid started to wonder where he could find a sthingy, He had heard that the inhabitants of easterhouse had destroyed all the trees to make sthingys thousands of years before, so it was unlikely there would be any left, then realising they were a warrior caste he wondered if any of the older residents would still have one stashed away for protection purposes. Donning his bullet proof vest, he prepared to leave his dear Bo'ness for climes foreign and unknown - but sadly forgot to pack his universal translator. 'Never mind' he thought' I can always use sign language to communicate with them'. Wearing the VIBs magic shoes, Quaid clicked his heels and farted "ooops thats going to smell , teeeheeee if nothing else it gives the VIB something else to remember me by". Many days past before he sighted civilization (locally called govan) where he found that Easterhouse was not the roughest place on the planet after all! However having no idea where to find his sthingy he decided to ask a local - "haeuneidyawhurullfinemasthingy?" he asked, trying to pronounce each word clearly for the Govanite. 'weeeil aye an naw' said the Govanite as he readjusted his burberry baseball cap 'wassit it te ye?' he demanded.Quaid instantly knew this wasnt a good response and thought he'd try for the upper hand and replied " whits it tae may?, a ast ye a simple queschin ya bam an ye talk taemay like that ,day ye ken or no afore a chib ye fur yur cheek" To which the Govanite replied" Ma names nae ken yr wee bawbag" whilst puffing out his chest and flexing his cheap ring covered knuckles, he produced a knife, a knife like no other, such craftsmanship that Quaid had only heard about in legends. Trying to bluff his way out of a potentially sticky situation, Quaid, in his best Govanese said 'haw ya dobber, dyae hink yur man enough to come at me wi rat!' Not knowing that Quaid was trained in bo`nesian marshall arts called f**ku...quaid then jumped on the govanites toes, poked him in the eye`s and farted in his face. As the govanite lay with tears in his eyes,Quaid said "your skill with such a blade is lacking my friend but the blade has the mark of a craftsman where could i find such a blade?".The govanite pointed to the wall nearbye with a poster exclaiming STRATHCLYDE POLICE KNIFE AMNESTY and said "foaly ra sine tae ra rozers man". So Quaid minced off, wearing the VIB's shoes to find the rozzers and the wonderous knife amnesty. Maybe they would have a sthingy amnesty as well. By now it was getting dark, but sadly Quaid had no torch - having lost it earlier. The dark side streets of Govan called to him, "three for a pound three sthingys for a pound". 'Right' thought Quaid, 'now how do I get the dive buddhas utterings onto a sthingy?' As if by magic, a small asian gentleman wearing a fez appeared at his side and asked if Quaid wanted to visit his little shop - where he might try on various items of clothing. Quaid said 'alright then, but nothing funny. Don't let the shoes fool you'. He stepped through the door to be met with the wonderous site of gimp suits in all shapes and sizes. He thanked the Asian gentleman for showing him around but he had other more pressing matters to contend with. Now in possession of three sthingys purchased from the wee ned down the road, he made haste in search of the legendary Dive Buddha. Now in possession of three sthingys purchased from the wee ned down the road, he made haste in search of the legendary Dive Buddha. Quaid was puzzled , he didnt know what he was looking for, "what does a dive budha look like?" he thought. Quaid meditated on what qualities a dive buddha should possess and it cam to him astounding good looks, charm, an almost godlike physique and unbelievable buoyancy control. He had no idea where he would find such a god like being round these parts. He decided that he would just have carve the words, hoping that no-one would notice it hadn't been done by a dive buddha. Off he went to get a swiss army knife courtesy of a guy he knew that worked for a local ironmongers. Unfortunately the ironmonger was looked in the dungeon of Mistress Gillian. Quaid had to try to negotiate the services of the ironmonger with the Mistress. Upon his arrival, Mistress Gillian announced that she was a dive Budhha and as a result, would carve the sthingy if Quaid would....
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Post by gareth on Jul 31, 2006 22:27:30 GMT
Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown. The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way. The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black. The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes. These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?" Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'.... " and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.' Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he revelled in his natural state- free of the inhibitions society clothed him with ......"mwrhahhamsharg" he exclaimed in fluent Bo'nessian. He set off, delightfully naked, to find a wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha. He waved bye-bye to the VIB and smiled when he noticed the red suit had buried itself into all the important areas. Quaid started to wonder where he could find a sthingy, He had heard that the inhabitants of easterhouse had destroyed all the trees to make sthingys thousands of years before, so it was unlikely there would be any left, then realising they were a warrior caste he wondered if any of the older residents would still have one stashed away for protection purposes. Donning his bullet proof vest, he prepared to leave his dear Bo'ness for climes foreign and unknown - but sadly forgot to pack his universal translator. 'Never mind' he thought' I can always use sign language to communicate with them'. Wearing the VIBs magic shoes, Quaid clicked his heels and farted "ooops thats going to smell , teeeheeee if nothing else it gives the VIB something else to remember me by". Many days past before he sighted civilization (locally called govan) where he found that Easterhouse was not the roughest place on the planet after all! However having no idea where to find his sthingy he decided to ask a local - "haeuneidyawhurullfinemasthingy?" he asked, trying to pronounce each word clearly for the Govanite. 'weeeil aye an naw' said the Govanite as he readjusted his burberry baseball cap 'wassit it te ye?' he demanded.Quaid instantly knew this wasnt a good response and thought he'd try for the upper hand and replied " whits it tae may?, a ast ye a simple queschin ya bam an ye talk taemay like that ,day ye ken or no afore a chib ye fur yur cheek" To which the Govanite replied" Ma names nae ken yr wee bawbag" whilst puffing out his chest and flexing his cheap ring covered knuckles, he produced a knife, a knife like no other, such craftsmanship that Quaid had only heard about in legends. Trying to bluff his way out of a potentially sticky situation, Quaid, in his best Govanese said 'haw ya dobber, dyae hink yur man enough to come at me wi rat!' Not knowing that Quaid was trained in bo`nesian marshall arts called f**ku...quaid then jumped on the govanites toes, poked him in the eye`s and farted in his face. As the govanite lay with tears in his eyes,Quaid said "your skill with such a blade is lacking my friend but the blade has the mark of a craftsman where could i find such a blade?".The govanite pointed to the wall nearbye with a poster exclaiming STRATHCLYDE POLICE KNIFE AMNESTY and said "foaly ra sine tae ra rozers man". So Quaid minced off, wearing the VIB's shoes to find the rozzers and the wonderous knife amnesty. Maybe they would have a sthingy amnesty as well. By now it was getting dark, but sadly Quaid had no torch - having lost it earlier. The dark side streets of Govan called to him, "three for a pound three sthingys for a pound". 'Right' thought Quaid, 'now how do I get the dive buddhas utterings onto a sthingy?' As if by magic, a small asian gentleman wearing a fez appeared at his side and asked if Quaid wanted to visit his little shop - where he might try on various items of clothing. Quaid said 'alright then, but nothing funny. Don't let the shoes fool you'. He stepped through the door to be met with the wonderous site of gimp suits in all shapes and sizes. He thanked the Asian gentleman for showing him around but he had other more pressing matters to contend with. Now in possession of three sthingys purchased from the wee ned down the road, he made haste in search of the legendary Dive Buddha. Now in possession of three sthingys purchased from the wee ned down the road, he made haste in search of the legendary Dive Buddha. Quaid was puzzled , he didnt know what he was looking for, "what does a dive budha look like?" he thought. Quaid meditated on what qualities a dive buddha should possess and it cam to him astounding good looks, charm, an almost godlike physique and unbelievable buoyancy control. He had no idea where he would find such a god like being round these parts. He decided that he would just have carve the words, hoping that no-one would notice it hadn't been done by a dive buddha. Off he went to get a swiss army knife courtesy of a guy he knew that worked for a local ironmongers. Unfortunately the ironmonger was looked in the dungeon of Mistress Gillian. Quaid had to try to negotiate the services of the ironmonger with the Mistress. Upon his arrival, Mistress Gillian announced that she was a dive Budhha and as a result, would carve the sthingy if Quaid would don his Kendo Nagasaki hood whilst sucking on an orange....................
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Post by Fiona on Jul 31, 2006 22:54:50 GMT
Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown. The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way. The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black. The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes. These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?" Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'.... " and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.' Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he revelled in his natural state- free of the inhibitions society clothed him with ......"mwrhahhamsharg" he exclaimed in fluent Bo'nessian. He set off, delightfully naked, to find a wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha. He waved bye-bye to the VIB and smiled when he noticed the red suit had buried itself into all the important areas. Quaid started to wonder where he could find a sthingy, He had heard that the inhabitants of easterhouse had destroyed all the trees to make sthingys thousands of years before, so it was unlikely there would be any left, then realising they were a warrior caste he wondered if any of the older residents would still have one stashed away for protection purposes. Donning his bullet proof vest, he prepared to leave his dear Bo'ness for climes foreign and unknown - but sadly forgot to pack his universal translator. 'Never mind' he thought' I can always use sign language to communicate with them'. Wearing the VIBs magic shoes, Quaid clicked his heels and farted "ooops thats going to smell , teeeheeee if nothing else it gives the VIB something else to remember me by". Many days past before he sighted civilization (locally called govan) where he found that Easterhouse was not the roughest place on the planet after all! However having no idea where to find his sthingy he decided to ask a local - "haeuneidyawhurullfinemasthingy?" he asked, trying to pronounce each word clearly for the Govanite. 'weeeil aye an naw' said the Govanite as he readjusted his burberry baseball cap 'wassit it te ye?' he demanded.Quaid instantly knew this wasnt a good response and thought he'd try for the upper hand and replied " whits it tae may?, a ast ye a simple queschin ya bam an ye talk taemay like that ,day ye ken or no afore a chib ye fur yur cheek" To which the Govanite replied" Ma names nae ken yr wee bawbag" whilst puffing out his chest and flexing his cheap ring covered knuckles, he produced a knife, a knife like no other, such craftsmanship that Quaid had only heard about in legends. Trying to bluff his way out of a potentially sticky situation, Quaid, in his best Govanese said 'haw ya dobber, dyae hink yur man enough to come at me wi rat!' Not knowing that Quaid was trained in bo`nesian marshall arts called f**ku...quaid then jumped on the govanites toes, poked him in the eye`s and farted in his face. As the govanite lay with tears in his eyes,Quaid said "your skill with such a blade is lacking my friend but the blade has the mark of a craftsman where could i find such a blade?".The govanite pointed to the wall nearbye with a poster exclaiming STRATHCLYDE POLICE KNIFE AMNESTY and said "foaly ra sine tae ra rozers man". So Quaid minced off, wearing the VIB's shoes to find the rozzers and the wonderous knife amnesty. Maybe they would have a sthingy amnesty as well. By now it was getting dark, but sadly Quaid had no torch - having lost it earlier. The dark side streets of Govan called to him, "three for a pound three sthingys for a pound". 'Right' thought Quaid, 'now how do I get the dive buddhas utterings onto a sthingy?' As if by magic, a small asian gentleman wearing a fez appeared at his side and asked if Quaid wanted to visit his little shop - where he might try on various items of clothing. Quaid said 'alright then, but nothing funny. Don't let the shoes fool you'. He stepped through the door to be met with the wonderous site of gimp suits in all shapes and sizes. He thanked the Asian gentleman for showing him around but he had other more pressing matters to contend with. Now in possession of three sthingys purchased from the wee ned down the road, he made haste in search of the legendary Dive Buddha. Now in possession of three sthingys purchased from the wee ned down the road, he made haste in search of the legendary Dive Buddha. Quaid was puzzled , he didnt know what he was looking for, "what does a dive budha look like?" he thought. Quaid meditated on what qualities a dive buddha should possess and it cam to him astounding good looks, charm, an almost godlike physique and unbelievable buoyancy control. He had no idea where he would find such a god like being round these parts. He decided that he would just have carve the words, hoping that no-one would notice it hadn't been done by a dive buddha. Off he went to get a swiss army knife courtesy of a guy he knew that worked for a local ironmongers. Unfortunately the ironmonger was looked in the dungeon of Mistress Gillian. Quaid had to try to negotiate the services of the ironmonger with the Mistress. Upon his arrival, Mistress Gillian announced that she was a dive Budhha and as a result, would carve the sthingy if Quaid would don his Kendo Nagasaki hood whilst sucking on an orange. Quaid was beginning to find himself a little out of his depth so Mistress G suggested that he draw some inspiration from Michael Hutchence or perhaps even Michael Barrymore.
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Post by cowboy on Aug 1, 2006 11:39:03 GMT
Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown. The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way. The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black. The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes. These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?" Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'.... " and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.' Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he revelled in his natural state- free of the inhibitions society clothed him with ......"mwrhahhamsharg" he exclaimed in fluent Bo'nessian. He set off, delightfully naked, to find a wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha. He waved bye-bye to the VIB and smiled when he noticed the red suit had buried itself into all the important areas. Quaid started to wonder where he could find a sthingy, He had heard that the inhabitants of easterhouse had destroyed all the trees to make sthingys thousands of years before, so it was unlikely there would be any left, then realising they were a warrior caste he wondered if any of the older residents would still have one stashed away for protection purposes. Donning his bullet proof vest, he prepared to leave his dear Bo'ness for climes foreign and unknown - but sadly forgot to pack his universal translator. 'Never mind' he thought' I can always use sign language to communicate with them'. Wearing the VIBs magic shoes, Quaid clicked his heels and farted "ooops thats going to smell , teeeheeee if nothing else it gives the VIB something else to remember me by". Many days past before he sighted civilization (locally called govan) where he found that Easterhouse was not the roughest place on the planet after all! However having no idea where to find his sthingy he decided to ask a local - "haeuneidyawhurullfinemasthingy?" he asked, trying to pronounce each word clearly for the Govanite. 'weeeil aye an naw' said the Govanite as he readjusted his burberry baseball cap 'wassit it te ye?' he demanded.Quaid instantly knew this wasnt a good response and thought he'd try for the upper hand and replied " whits it tae may?, a ast ye a simple queschin ya bam an ye talk taemay like that ,day ye ken or no afore a chib ye fur yur cheek" To which the Govanite replied" Ma names nae ken yr wee bawbag" whilst puffing out his chest and flexing his cheap ring covered knuckles, he produced a knife, a knife like no other, such craftsmanship that Quaid had only heard about in legends. Trying to bluff his way out of a potentially sticky situation, Quaid, in his best Govanese said 'haw ya dobber, dyae hink yur man enough to come at me wi rat!' Not knowing that Quaid was trained in bo`nesian marshall arts called f**ku...quaid then jumped on the govanites toes, poked him in the eye`s and farted in his face. As the govanite lay with tears in his eyes,Quaid said "your skill with such a blade is lacking my friend but the blade has the mark of a craftsman where could i find such a blade?".The govanite pointed to the wall nearbye with a poster exclaiming STRATHCLYDE POLICE KNIFE AMNESTY and said "foaly ra sine tae ra rozers man". So Quaid minced off, wearing the VIB's shoes to find the rozzers and the wonderous knife amnesty. Maybe they would have a sthingy amnesty as well. By now it was getting dark, but sadly Quaid had no torch - having lost it earlier. The dark side streets of Govan called to him, "three for a pound three sthingys for a pound". 'Right' thought Quaid, 'now how do I get the dive buddhas utterings onto a sthingy?' As if by magic, a small asian gentleman wearing a fez appeared at his side and asked if Quaid wanted to visit his little shop - where he might try on various items of clothing. Quaid said 'alright then, but nothing funny. Don't let the shoes fool you'. He stepped through the door to be met with the wonderous site of gimp suits in all shapes and sizes. He thanked the Asian gentleman for showing him around but he had other more pressing matters to contend with. Now in possession of three sthingys purchased from the wee ned down the road, he made haste in search of the legendary Dive Buddha. Now in possession of three sthingys purchased from the wee ned down the road, he made haste in search of the legendary Dive Buddha. Quaid was puzzled , he didnt know what he was looking for, "what does a dive budha look like?" he thought. Quaid meditated on what qualities a dive buddha should possess and it cam to him astounding good looks, charm, an almost godlike physique and unbelievable buoyancy control. He had no idea where he would find such a god like being round these parts. He decided that he would just have carve the words, hoping that no-one would notice it hadn't been done by a dive buddha. Off he went to get a swiss army knife courtesy of a guy he knew that worked for a local ironmongers. Unfortunately the ironmonger was looked in the dungeon of Mistress Gillian. Quaid had to try to negotiate the services of the ironmonger with the Mistress. Upon his arrival, Mistress Gillian announced that she was a dive Budhha and as a result, would carve the sthingy if Quaid would don his Kendo Nagasaki hood whilst sucking on an orange. Quaid was beginning to find himself a little out of his depth so Mistress G suggested that he draw some inspiration from Michael Hutchence or perhaps even Michael Barrymore. She produced a pair of old smelly socks (belonging to her full time gimp partner) and handed them to Quaid, saying "Use these sweet gimp, to prevent telltale neck bruising".
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Post by gareth on Aug 1, 2006 11:59:17 GMT
Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown. The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way. The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black. The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes. These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?" Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'.... " and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.' Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he revelled in his natural state- free of the inhibitions society clothed him with ......"mwrhahhamsharg" he exclaimed in fluent Bo'nessian. He set off, delightfully naked, to find a wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha. He waved bye-bye to the VIB and smiled when he noticed the red suit had buried itself into all the important areas. Quaid started to wonder where he could find a sthingy, He had heard that the inhabitants of easterhouse had destroyed all the trees to make sthingys thousands of years before, so it was unlikely there would be any left, then realising they were a warrior caste he wondered if any of the older residents would still have one stashed away for protection purposes. Donning his bullet proof vest, he prepared to leave his dear Bo'ness for climes foreign and unknown - but sadly forgot to pack his universal translator. 'Never mind' he thought' I can always use sign language to communicate with them'. Wearing the VIBs magic shoes, Quaid clicked his heels and farted "ooops thats going to smell , teeeheeee if nothing else it gives the VIB something else to remember me by". Many days past before he sighted civilization (locally called govan) where he found that Easterhouse was not the roughest place on the planet after all! However having no idea where to find his sthingy he decided to ask a local - "haeuneidyawhurullfinemasthingy?" he asked, trying to pronounce each word clearly for the Govanite. 'weeeil aye an naw' said the Govanite as he readjusted his burberry baseball cap 'wassit it te ye?' he demanded.Quaid instantly knew this wasnt a good response and thought he'd try for the upper hand and replied " whits it tae may?, a ast ye a simple queschin ya bam an ye talk taemay like that ,day ye ken or no afore a chib ye fur yur cheek" To which the Govanite replied" Ma names nae ken yr wee bawbag" whilst puffing out his chest and flexing his cheap ring covered knuckles, he produced a knife, a knife like no other, such craftsmanship that Quaid had only heard about in legends. Trying to bluff his way out of a potentially sticky situation, Quaid, in his best Govanese said 'haw ya dobber, dyae hink yur man enough to come at me wi rat!' Not knowing that Quaid was trained in bo`nesian marshall arts called f**ku...quaid then jumped on the govanites toes, poked him in the eye`s and farted in his face. As the govanite lay with tears in his eyes,Quaid said "your skill with such a blade is lacking my friend but the blade has the mark of a craftsman where could i find such a blade?".The govanite pointed to the wall nearbye with a poster exclaiming STRATHCLYDE POLICE KNIFE AMNESTY and said "foaly ra sine tae ra rozers man". So Quaid minced off, wearing the VIB's shoes to find the rozzers and the wonderous knife amnesty. Maybe they would have a sthingy amnesty as well. By now it was getting dark, but sadly Quaid had no torch - having lost it earlier. The dark side streets of Govan called to him, "three for a pound three sthingys for a pound". 'Right' thought Quaid, 'now how do I get the dive buddhas utterings onto a sthingy?' As if by magic, a small asian gentleman wearing a fez appeared at his side and asked if Quaid wanted to visit his little shop - where he might try on various items of clothing. Quaid said 'alright then, but nothing funny. Don't let the shoes fool you'. He stepped through the door to be met with the wonderous site of gimp suits in all shapes and sizes. He thanked the Asian gentleman for showing him around but he had other more pressing matters to contend with. Now in possession of three sthingys purchased from the wee ned down the road, he made haste in search of the legendary Dive Buddha. Now in possession of three sthingys purchased from the wee ned down the road, he made haste in search of the legendary Dive Buddha. Quaid was puzzled , he didnt know what he was looking for, "what does a dive budha look like?" he thought. Quaid meditated on what qualities a dive buddha should possess and it cam to him astounding good looks, charm, an almost godlike physique and unbelievable buoyancy control. He had no idea where he would find such a god like being round these parts. He decided that he would just have carve the words, hoping that no-one would notice it hadn't been done by a dive buddha. Off he went to get a swiss army knife courtesy of a guy he knew that worked for a local ironmongers. Unfortunately the ironmonger was looked in the dungeon of Mistress Gillian. Quaid had to try to negotiate the services of the ironmonger with the Mistress. Upon his arrival, Mistress Gillian announced that she was a dive Budhha and as a result, would carve the sthingy if Quaid would don his Kendo Nagasaki hood whilst sucking on an orange. Quaid was beginning to find himself a little out of his depth so Mistress G suggested that he draw some inspiration from Michael Hutchence or perhaps even Michael Barrymore. She produced a pair of old smelly socks (belonging to her full time gimp partner) and handed them to Quaid, saying "Use these sweet gimp, to prevent telltale neck bruising". Upon seeing these and hearing Mistress G's words a rather large puddle began to form around Quaids
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Post by Fiona on Aug 1, 2006 22:30:13 GMT
Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown. The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way. The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black. The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes. These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?" Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'.... " and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.' Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he revelled in his natural state- free of the inhibitions society clothed him with ......"mwrhahhamsharg" he exclaimed in fluent Bo'nessian. He set off, delightfully naked, to find a wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha. He waved bye-bye to the VIB and smiled when he noticed the red suit had buried itself into all the important areas. Quaid started to wonder where he could find a sthingy, He had heard that the inhabitants of easterhouse had destroyed all the trees to make sthingys thousands of years before, so it was unlikely there would be any left, then realising they were a warrior caste he wondered if any of the older residents would still have one stashed away for protection purposes. Donning his bullet proof vest, he prepared to leave his dear Bo'ness for climes foreign and unknown - but sadly forgot to pack his universal translator. 'Never mind' he thought' I can always use sign language to communicate with them'. Wearing the VIBs magic shoes, Quaid clicked his heels and farted "ooops thats going to smell , teeeheeee if nothing else it gives the VIB something else to remember me by". Many days past before he sighted civilization (locally called govan) where he found that Easterhouse was not the roughest place on the planet after all! However having no idea where to find his sthingy he decided to ask a local - "haeuneidyawhurullfinemasthingy?" he asked, trying to pronounce each word clearly for the Govanite. 'weeeil aye an naw' said the Govanite as he readjusted his burberry baseball cap 'wassit it te ye?' he demanded.Quaid instantly knew this wasnt a good response and thought he'd try for the upper hand and replied " whits it tae may?, a ast ye a simple queschin ya bam an ye talk taemay like that ,day ye ken or no afore a chib ye fur yur cheek" To which the Govanite replied" Ma names nae ken yr wee bawbag" whilst puffing out his chest and flexing his cheap ring covered knuckles, he produced a knife, a knife like no other, such craftsmanship that Quaid had only heard about in legends. Trying to bluff his way out of a potentially sticky situation, Quaid, in his best Govanese said 'haw ya dobber, dyae hink yur man enough to come at me wi rat!' Not knowing that Quaid was trained in bo`nesian marshall arts called f**ku...quaid then jumped on the govanites toes, poked him in the eye`s and farted in his face. As the govanite lay with tears in his eyes,Quaid said "your skill with such a blade is lacking my friend but the blade has the mark of a craftsman where could i find such a blade?".The govanite pointed to the wall nearbye with a poster exclaiming STRATHCLYDE POLICE KNIFE AMNESTY and said "foaly ra sine tae ra rozers man". So Quaid minced off, wearing the VIB's shoes to find the rozzers and the wonderous knife amnesty. Maybe they would have a sthingy amnesty as well. By now it was getting dark, but sadly Quaid had no torch - having lost it earlier. The dark side streets of Govan called to him, "three for a pound three sthingys for a pound". 'Right' thought Quaid, 'now how do I get the dive buddhas utterings onto a sthingy?' As if by magic, a small asian gentleman wearing a fez appeared at his side and asked if Quaid wanted to visit his little shop - where he might try on various items of clothing. Quaid said 'alright then, but nothing funny. Don't let the shoes fool you'. He stepped through the door to be met with the wonderous site of gimp suits in all shapes and sizes. He thanked the Asian gentleman for showing him around but he had other more pressing matters to contend with. Now in possession of three sthingys purchased from the wee ned down the road, he made haste in search of the legendary Dive Buddha. Now in possession of three sthingys purchased from the wee ned down the road, he made haste in search of the legendary Dive Buddha. Quaid was puzzled , he didnt know what he was looking for, "what does a dive budha look like?" he thought. Quaid meditated on what qualities a dive buddha should possess and it cam to him astounding good looks, charm, an almost godlike physique and unbelievable buoyancy control. He had no idea where he would find such a god like being round these parts. He decided that he would just have carve the words, hoping that no-one would notice it hadn't been done by a dive buddha. Off he went to get a swiss army knife courtesy of a guy he knew that worked for a local ironmongers. Unfortunately the ironmonger was looked in the dungeon of Mistress Gillian. Quaid had to try to negotiate the services of the ironmonger with the Mistress. Upon his arrival, Mistress Gillian announced that she was a dive Budhha and as a result, would carve the sthingy if Quaid would don his Kendo Nagasaki hood whilst sucking on an orange. Quaid was beginning to find himself a little out of his depth so Mistress G suggested that he draw some inspiration from Michael Hutchence or perhaps even Michael Barrymore. She produced a pair of old smelly socks (belonging to her full time gimp partner) and handed them to Quaid, saying "Use these sweet gimp, to prevent telltale neck bruising". Upon seeing these and hearing Mistress G's words a rather large puddle began to form around Quaids cute but somewhat hairy little toes!
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divingdrunk
dooks fairly often
Grizzly
I'm just a cuddly teddy bear.
Posts: 68
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Post by divingdrunk on Aug 2, 2006 10:25:59 GMT
Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown. The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way. The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black. The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes. These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?" Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'.... " and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.' Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he revelled in his natural state- free of the inhibitions society clothed him with ......"mwrhahhamsharg" he exclaimed in fluent Bo'nessian. He set off, delightfully naked, to find a wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha. He waved bye-bye to the VIB and smiled when he noticed the red suit had buried itself into all the important areas. Quaid started to wonder where he could find a sthingy, He had heard that the inhabitants of easterhouse had destroyed all the trees to make sthingys thousands of years before, so it was unlikely there would be any left, then realising they were a warrior caste he wondered if any of the older residents would still have one stashed away for protection purposes. Donning his bullet proof vest, he prepared to leave his dear Bo'ness for climes foreign and unknown - but sadly forgot to pack his universal translator. 'Never mind' he thought' I can always use sign language to communicate with them'. Wearing the VIBs magic shoes, Quaid clicked his heels and farted "ooops thats going to smell , teeeheeee if nothing else it gives the VIB something else to remember me by". Many days past before he sighted civilization (locally called govan) where he found that Easterhouse was not the roughest place on the planet after all! However having no idea where to find his sthingy he decided to ask a local - "haeuneidyawhurullfinemasthingy?" he asked, trying to pronounce each word clearly for the Govanite. 'weeeil aye an naw' said the Govanite as he readjusted his burberry baseball cap 'wassit it te ye?' he demanded.Quaid instantly knew this wasnt a good response and thought he'd try for the upper hand and replied " whits it tae may?, a ast ye a simple queschin ya bam an ye talk taemay like that ,day ye ken or no afore a chib ye fur yur cheek" To which the Govanite replied" Ma names nae ken yr wee bawbag" whilst puffing out his chest and flexing his cheap ring covered knuckles, he produced a knife, a knife like no other, such craftsmanship that Quaid had only heard about in legends. Trying to bluff his way out of a potentially sticky situation, Quaid, in his best Govanese said 'haw ya dobber, dyae hink yur man enough to come at me wi rat!' Not knowing that Quaid was trained in bo`nesian marshall arts called f**ku...quaid then jumped on the govanites toes, poked him in the eye`s and farted in his face. As the govanite lay with tears in his eyes,Quaid said "your skill with such a blade is lacking my friend but the blade has the mark of a craftsman where could i find such a blade?".The govanite pointed to the wall nearbye with a poster exclaiming STRATHCLYDE POLICE KNIFE AMNESTY and said "foaly ra sine tae ra rozers man". So Quaid minced off, wearing the VIB's shoes to find the rozzers and the wonderous knife amnesty. Maybe they would have a sthingy amnesty as well. By now it was getting dark, but sadly Quaid had no torch - having lost it earlier. The dark side streets of Govan called to him, "three for a pound three sthingys for a pound". 'Right' thought Quaid, 'now how do I get the dive buddhas utterings onto a sthingy?' As if by magic, a small asian gentleman wearing a fez appeared at his side and asked if Quaid wanted to visit his little shop - where he might try on various items of clothing. Quaid said 'alright then, but nothing funny. Don't let the shoes fool you'. He stepped through the door to be met with the wonderous site of gimp suits in all shapes and sizes. He thanked the Asian gentleman for showing him around but he had other more pressing matters to contend with. Now in possession of three sthingys purchased from the wee ned down the road, he made haste in search of the legendary Dive Buddha. Now in possession of three sthingys purchased from the wee ned down the road, he made haste in search of the legendary Dive Buddha. Quaid was puzzled , he didnt know what he was looking for, "what does a dive budha look like?" he thought. Quaid meditated on what qualities a dive buddha should possess and it cam to him astounding good looks, charm, an almost godlike physique and unbelievable buoyancy control. He had no idea where he would find such a god like being round these parts. He decided that he would just have carve the words, hoping that no-one would notice it hadn't been done by a dive buddha. Off he went to get a swiss army knife courtesy of a guy he knew that worked for a local ironmongers. Unfortunately the ironmonger was looked in the dungeon of Mistress Gillian. Quaid had to try to negotiate the services of the ironmonger with the Mistress. Upon his arrival, Mistress Gillian announced that she was a dive Budhha and as a result, would carve the sthingy if Quaid would don his Kendo Nagasaki hood whilst sucking on an orange. Quaid was beginning to find himself a little out of his depth so Mistress G suggested that he draw some inspiration from Michael Hutchence or perhaps even Michael Barrymore. She produced a pair of old smelly socks (belonging to her full time gimp partner) and handed them to Quaid, saying "Use these sweet gimp, to prevent telltale neck bruising". Upon seeing these and hearing Mistress G's words a rather large puddle began to form around Quaids cute but somewhat hairy little toes!!! while that was happening Quaid had a thought!! it was rumored that mistress G is close Allie to princess Fiona and then wondered if he could get any information from mistress G`s partner gimp who`s name is forest gimp...
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Post by GScrym on Aug 7, 2006 18:07:39 GMT
Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown. The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way. The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black. The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes. These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?" Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'.... " and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.' Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he revelled in his natural state- free of the inhibitions society clothed him with ......"mwrhahhamsharg" he exclaimed in fluent Bo'nessian. He set off, delightfully naked, to find a wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha. He waved bye-bye to the VIB and smiled when he noticed the red suit had buried itself into all the important areas. Quaid started to wonder where he could find a sthingy, He had heard that the inhabitants of easterhouse had destroyed all the trees to make sthingys thousands of years before, so it was unlikely there would be any left, then realising they were a warrior caste he wondered if any of the older residents would still have one stashed away for protection purposes. Donning his bullet proof vest, he prepared to leave his dear Bo'ness for climes foreign and unknown - but sadly forgot to pack his universal translator. 'Never mind' he thought' I can always use sign language to communicate with them'. Wearing the VIBs magic shoes, Quaid clicked his heels and farted "ooops thats going to smell , teeeheeee if nothing else it gives the VIB something else to remember me by". Many days past before he sighted civilization (locally called govan) where he found that Easterhouse was not the roughest place on the planet after all! However having no idea where to find his sthingy he decided to ask a local - "haeuneidyawhurullfinemasthingy?" he asked, trying to pronounce each word clearly for the Govanite. 'weeeil aye an naw' said the Govanite as he readjusted his burberry baseball cap 'wassit it te ye?' he demanded.Quaid instantly knew this wasnt a good response and thought he'd try for the upper hand and replied " whits it tae may?, a ast ye a simple queschin ya bam an ye talk taemay like that ,day ye ken or no afore a chib ye fur yur cheek" To which the Govanite replied" Ma names nae ken yr wee bawbag" whilst puffing out his chest and flexing his cheap ring covered knuckles, he produced a knife, a knife like no other, such craftsmanship that Quaid had only heard about in legends. Trying to bluff his way out of a potentially sticky situation, Quaid, in his best Govanese said 'haw ya dobber, dyae hink yur man enough to come at me wi rat!' Not knowing that Quaid was trained in bo`nesian marshall arts called f**ku...quaid then jumped on the govanites toes, poked him in the eye`s and farted in his face. As the govanite lay with tears in his eyes,Quaid said "your skill with such a blade is lacking my friend but the blade has the mark of a craftsman where could i find such a blade?".The govanite pointed to the wall nearbye with a poster exclaiming STRATHCLYDE POLICE KNIFE AMNESTY and said "foaly ra sine tae ra rozers man". So Quaid minced off, wearing the VIB's shoes to find the rozzers and the wonderous knife amnesty. Maybe they would have a sthingy amnesty as well. By now it was getting dark, but sadly Quaid had no torch - having lost it earlier. The dark side streets of Govan called to him, "three for a pound three sthingys for a pound". 'Right' thought Quaid, 'now how do I get the dive buddhas utterings onto a sthingy?' As if by magic, a small asian gentleman wearing a fez appeared at his side and asked if Quaid wanted to visit his little shop - where he might try on various items of clothing. Quaid said 'alright then, but nothing funny. Don't let the shoes fool you'. He stepped through the door to be met with the wonderous site of gimp suits in all shapes and sizes. He thanked the Asian gentleman for showing him around but he had other more pressing matters to contend with. Now in possession of three sthingys purchased from the wee ned down the road, he made haste in search of the legendary Dive Buddha. Now in possession of three sthingys purchased from the wee ned down the road, he made haste in search of the legendary Dive Buddha. Quaid was puzzled , he didnt know what he was looking for, "what does a dive budha look like?" he thought. Quaid meditated on what qualities a dive buddha should possess and it cam to him astounding good looks, charm, an almost godlike physique and unbelievable buoyancy control. He had no idea where he would find such a god like being round these parts. He decided that he would just have carve the words, hoping that no-one would notice it hadn't been done by a dive buddha. Off he went to get a swiss army knife courtesy of a guy he knew that worked for a local ironmongers. Unfortunately the ironmonger was looked in the dungeon of Mistress Gillian. Quaid had to try to negotiate the services of the ironmonger with the Mistress. Upon his arrival, Mistress Gillian announced that she was a dive Budhha and as a result, would carve the sthingy if Quaid would don his Kendo Nagasaki hood whilst sucking on an orange. Quaid was beginning to find himself a little out of his depth so Mistress G suggested that he draw some inspiration from Michael Hutchence or perhaps even Michael Barrymore. She produced a pair of old smelly socks (belonging to her full time gimp partner) and handed them to Quaid, saying "Use these sweet gimp, to prevent telltale neck bruising". Upon seeing these and hearing Mistress G's words a rather large puddle began to form around Quaids cute but somewhat hairy little toes!!! while that was happening Quaid had a thought!! it was rumored that mistress G is close Allie to princess Fiona and then wondered if he could get any information from mistress G`s partner gimp who`s name is forest gimp. Quaid entered the dungeon to speak to Forest. Forest sat chained in the corner, happily waiting for Mistress G's next command. 'Whassup big man. Whit ye gonnie tell me about that burd Princess Fiona' Quaid asked. 'I can tell you nothing' said Forest, 'for Mistress will smite me she will'. 'Aw come on pal, gies sumhin'. With that, Forest reached into his well fitted, wipe clean black suit and gave Quaid a sweaty, crinkly piece of paper. It looked like a map. He got his sthingy from Mistress G and went on his way.
Chapter 2 People!!!! Give Quaid some fun. I am most displeased that he was left festering in my Dungeon over the weekend. Can't Mistress go on holiday without random sprites cluttering up that place!
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Post by Sam on Aug 8, 2006 13:13:46 GMT
Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown. The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way. The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black. The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes. These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?" Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'.... " and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.' Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he revelled in his natural state- free of the inhibitions society clothed him with ......"mwrhahhamsharg" he exclaimed in fluent Bo'nessian. He set off, delightfully naked, to find a wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha. He waved bye-bye to the VIB and smiled when he noticed the red suit had buried itself into all the important areas. Quaid started to wonder where he could find a sthingy, He had heard that the inhabitants of easterhouse had destroyed all the trees to make sthingys thousands of years before, so it was unlikely there would be any left, then realising they were a warrior caste he wondered if any of the older residents would still have one stashed away for protection purposes. Donning his bullet proof vest, he prepared to leave his dear Bo'ness for climes foreign and unknown - but sadly forgot to pack his universal translator. 'Never mind' he thought' I can always use sign language to communicate with them'. Wearing the VIBs magic shoes, Quaid clicked his heels and farted "ooops thats going to smell , teeeheeee if nothing else it gives the VIB something else to remember me by". Many days past before he sighted civilization (locally called govan) where he found that Easterhouse was not the roughest place on the planet after all! However having no idea where to find his sthingy he decided to ask a local - "haeuneidyawhurullfinemasthingy?" he asked, trying to pronounce each word clearly for the Govanite. 'weeeil aye an naw' said the Govanite as he readjusted his burberry baseball cap 'wassit it te ye?' he demanded.Quaid instantly knew this wasnt a good response and thought he'd try for the upper hand and replied " whits it tae may?, a ast ye a simple queschin ya bam an ye talk taemay like that ,day ye ken or no afore a chib ye fur yur cheek" To which the Govanite replied" Ma names nae ken yr wee bawbag" whilst puffing out his chest and flexing his cheap ring covered knuckles, he produced a knife, a knife like no other, such craftsmanship that Quaid had only heard about in legends. Trying to bluff his way out of a potentially sticky situation, Quaid, in his best Govanese said 'haw ya dobber, dyae hink yur man enough to come at me wi rat!' Not knowing that Quaid was trained in bo`nesian marshall arts called f**ku...quaid then jumped on the govanites toes, poked him in the eye`s and farted in his face. As the govanite lay with tears in his eyes,Quaid said "your skill with such a blade is lacking my friend but the blade has the mark of a craftsman where could i find such a blade?".The govanite pointed to the wall nearbye with a poster exclaiming STRATHCLYDE POLICE KNIFE AMNESTY and said "foaly ra sine tae ra rozers man". So Quaid minced off, wearing the VIB's shoes to find the rozzers and the wonderous knife amnesty. Maybe they would have a sthingy amnesty as well. By now it was getting dark, but sadly Quaid had no torch - having lost it earlier. The dark side streets of Govan called to him, "three for a pound three sthingys for a pound". 'Right' thought Quaid, 'now how do I get the dive buddhas utterings onto a sthingy?' As if by magic, a small asian gentleman wearing a fez appeared at his side and asked if Quaid wanted to visit his little shop - where he might try on various items of clothing. Quaid said 'alright then, but nothing funny. Don't let the shoes fool you'. He stepped through the door to be met with the wonderous site of gimp suits in all shapes and sizes. He thanked the Asian gentleman for showing him around but he had other more pressing matters to contend with. Now in possession of three sthingys purchased from the wee ned down the road, he made haste in search of the legendary Dive Buddha. Now in possession of three sthingys purchased from the wee ned down the road, he made haste in search of the legendary Dive Buddha. Quaid was puzzled , he didnt know what he was looking for, "what does a dive budha look like?" he thought. Quaid meditated on what qualities a dive buddha should possess and it cam to him astounding good looks, charm, an almost godlike physique and unbelievable buoyancy control. He had no idea where he would find such a god like being round these parts. He decided that he would just have carve the words, hoping that no-one would notice it hadn't been done by a dive buddha. Off he went to get a swiss army knife courtesy of a guy he knew that worked for a local ironmongers. Unfortunately the ironmonger was looked in the dungeon of Mistress Gillian. Quaid had to try to negotiate the services of the ironmonger with the Mistress. Upon his arrival, Mistress Gillian announced that she was a dive Budhha and as a result, would carve the sthingy if Quaid would don his Kendo Nagasaki hood whilst sucking on an orange. Quaid was beginning to find himself a little out of his depth so Mistress G suggested that he draw some inspiration from Michael Hutchence or perhaps even Michael Barrymore. She produced a pair of old smelly socks (belonging to her full time gimp partner) and handed them to Quaid, saying "Use these sweet gimp, to prevent telltale neck bruising". Upon seeing these and hearing Mistress G's words a rather large puddle began to form around Quaids cute but somewhat hairy little toes!!! while that was happening Quaid had a thought!! it was rumored that mistress G is close Allie to princess Fiona and then wondered if he could get any information from mistress G`s partner gimp who`s name is forest gimp. Quaid entered the dungeon to speak to Forest. Forest sat chained in the corner, happily waiting for Mistress G's next command. 'Whassup big man. Whit ye gonnie tell me about that burd Princess Fiona' Quaid asked. 'I can tell you nothing' said Forest, 'for Mistress will smite me she will'. 'Aw come on pal, gies sumhin'. With that, Forest reached into his well fitted, wipe clean black suit and gave Quaid a sweaty, crinkly piece of paper. It looked like a map. He got his sthingy from Mistress G and went on his way.
The piece of paper was a map - a map of the Spanish Main. 'Whoohoo', thought Quaid, ' I'm going on me holidays...'
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