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Post by GScrym on Sept 12, 2006 17:30:45 GMT
Quaid studied the map carefully whilst travelling on a friendly rather hairy 3 legged cross eyed jack russell on steroids which came from the distant land of the ochil hills where they struck a strong bond from their last adventure!
As they were walking over the hill they saw something which was very unusual indeed. It was so unusual it was hardly ever seen. They saw a little Pixie wearing a fully functioning rebreather. Quaid and his poochy pal approached the pixie. The Pixie introduced himself as "Bob" and intimated that he may well know where Quaid could get his hands on the custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo.
Quaid pondered on "Bob's" intimation whilst wondering how his canine friend cocked a leg and still stayed upright. Bob said 'I'm telling you nothing until you stop staring at that dog doing a pawstand'. Quaid apologised for his distraction and said "maybe you can help me bob?? i am trying to find a 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo" "AAAHHHH!!!!" bob replied "i know where to go and if you cross my palm with silver i shall tell you everything you need to know how to get the sword". With a sadden look upon the poor sprites face he replied "Unfortunately i own no silver, however i do have this mad, drug addled Jack Russell terrier with whom I have shared many experiences and stuck together through thick and thin and is very loyal and answers to the name garr" Quaid replyed. Bob was heartily unimpressed with the offer of a substandard terrier with obvious mental problems and history of drug abuse. Gar put on his best sad puppy eyes, which looked like he had a squint. Bob's harsh pixie heart melted. 'Who could resist such a troubled little fuzzball. I'll give you the info you need to find the 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo. It lies in the possession of the "Keeper of the Mankee Peeg", he obtained it in turn from the cross dressing transylvanian, who stays in a land far away. The cross dresser was once known to Quaid as a sensei of the underwater ways. These days, he preferred frilly undies to underwater. Still keen on tramping across hill and dale, sensei had swapped the joys of the seven sisters for the lesser joys of just two. As the sensei was not great in stature, the lesser joys were sufficient for him. Quaid set off in search of the keeper of The Mankee Peeg. To help him find her, he asked Bob if he could borrow a tight fitting basque and suspender set that he could hide under his macintosh. The secret thrill of dressing up again would keep his spritis up in his quest. Then he set off, with just a jump to the left............ and then a step to the righhhhhhhhhhhhttttttttt . He put his hands on his hips..."whit ye daen ye big jessie ye?!" demanded Quaid's inner voice, breaking him free of the silky delights of his dance. Furtively glancing around to make sure no-one had witnessed his cross dressing dance antics, Quaid headed off in the direction of the nearest Master Swordsman, also known to the inner circle as The Keeper of the Mankee Peeg. On his arrival he kneeled before The Swordsman and uttered the words of power. 'Oh My God, look at the size of that, you could have someone's eye out with that thing'. Then turning to look at the impressive array of sharp implements Quaid said "is this one a dive knife?", to which The Keeper (reaching down to his thigh) pulled out the mammy/daddy of all blades and replied "No, THIs is a dive knife, obtained from the Golden Halls of HeeBay, blessed be his name and it bitch slaps that tooth pick from Hattori Hanzo but if that's what you need, I'll help you.' The swordsman unlocked a massive door to reveal a hand crafted and fully fitting Kendo Nagasaki suit and hood combo, complete with zippers up the back. He exhaled slowly in anticipation and his breath escaped him like the low hiss of the tide going out. It really should have been like the tide coming in, but hey even Cowboys make mistakes. Quaid tentatively reached out, only to be slapped on the hand by the keeper. 'Get your hairy little mitts of that you thieving sprite, you can have the sword, not my favourite suit'. Quaid pulled his hand back and saw in the corner, the biggest glitziest ball gown he'd ever seen. "VIB's?" he asked "or am i mistaken, which is a very human failing and not one to be ashamed of at all!" "No, that belongs to the mighty G." replied the leather clad Kendo lookalike. "He looks after my mighty aray of gimp suits but permission must be sought to wear such garments many have tried and failed as the mighty G is a master P.r.a.t and moves with the stealth and speed of the wind!!! Quaid thought for a moment before deciding that people talked a lot of b******s these days. Feeling a little fed up, Quaid huffed and said 'listen Numb-nuts, am I getting this 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo or not. I've got a sea urchin to get'. The keeper. looking a little hurt at Quaids description of his nuts, said "that all depends.........can you solve the riddle?" "the riddle?" asked Quaid. "Yes, the riddle" replied the owner of the numbed nuts. "what riddle would that be?" Quaid continued. "the riddle..." stated the proprietor of the aformentioned desensitised dangly bits, ".........(cue drum roll) of diving! Riddle me this or riddle me that, which of you cut the nuts off me cat? .........What is it that forces you down more, as you go down, and that forces you up more, as you go up, in the water column?" "Um " said Quaid...."...well, if I knew that, I wouldn't be going to see the Mighty G would I. Now where' the chuffin' sword!' The Keeper merely smiled in Ming-The-Merciless kinda way, sneering " So Quaid, the riddle puzzles you and you find yourself unable to answer! " wahahahaha laughed the Kendo hood wearing evil-doer, in a way only the truly maniacal (and owners of numbed nuts) can. Quaid stood, legs astride and hands on hips before running throught the keepers legs, jumping on his back and pulling back his head by jamming his furry little fingers up his nose. 'Right you smug git, either give me the sword or prepare to be Quaided!' The keeper gave in saying.....
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Post by cowboy on Sept 14, 2006 17:01:02 GMT
Quaid studied the map carefully whilst travelling on a friendly rather hairy 3 legged cross eyed jack russell on steroids which came from the distant land of the ochil hills where they struck a strong bond from their last adventure!
As they were walking over the hill they saw something which was very unusual indeed. It was so unusual it was hardly ever seen. They saw a little Pixie wearing a fully functioning rebreather. Quaid and his poochy pal approached the pixie. The Pixie introduced himself as "Bob" and intimated that he may well know where Quaid could get his hands on the custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo.
Quaid pondered on "Bob's" intimation whilst wondering how his canine friend cocked a leg and still stayed upright. Bob said 'I'm telling you nothing until you stop staring at that dog doing a pawstand'. Quaid apologised for his distraction and said "maybe you can help me bob?? i am trying to find a 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo" "AAAHHHH!!!!" bob replied "i know where to go and if you cross my palm with silver i shall tell you everything you need to know how to get the sword". With a sadden look upon the poor sprites face he replied "Unfortunately i own no silver, however i do have this mad, drug addled Jack Russell terrier with whom I have shared many experiences and stuck together through thick and thin and is very loyal and answers to the name garr" Quaid replyed. Bob was heartily unimpressed with the offer of a substandard terrier with obvious mental problems and history of drug abuse. Gar put on his best sad puppy eyes, which looked like he had a squint. Bob's harsh pixie heart melted. 'Who could resist such a troubled little fuzzball. I'll give you the info you need to find the 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo. It lies in the possession of the "Keeper of the Mankee Peeg", he obtained it in turn from the cross dressing transylvanian, who stays in a land far away. The cross dresser was once known to Quaid as a sensei of the underwater ways. These days, he preferred frilly undies to underwater. Still keen on tramping across hill and dale, sensei had swapped the joys of the seven sisters for the lesser joys of just two. As the sensei was not great in stature, the lesser joys were sufficient for him. Quaid set off in search of the keeper of The Mankee Peeg. To help him find her, he asked Bob if he could borrow a tight fitting basque and suspender set that he could hide under his macintosh. The secret thrill of dressing up again would keep his spritis up in his quest. Then he set off, with just a jump to the left............ and then a step to the righhhhhhhhhhhhttttttttt . He put his hands on his hips..."whit ye daen ye big jessie ye?!" demanded Quaid's inner voice, breaking him free of the silky delights of his dance. Furtively glancing around to make sure no-one had witnessed his cross dressing dance antics, Quaid headed off in the direction of the nearest Master Swordsman, also known to the inner circle as The Keeper of the Mankee Peeg. On his arrival he kneeled before The Swordsman and uttered the words of power. 'Oh My God, look at the size of that, you could have someone's eye out with that thing'. Then turning to look at the impressive array of sharp implements Quaid said "is this one a dive knife?", to which The Keeper (reaching down to his thigh) pulled out the mammy/daddy of all blades and replied "No, THIs is a dive knife, obtained from the Golden Halls of HeeBay, blessed be his name and it bitch slaps that tooth pick from Hattori Hanzo but if that's what you need, I'll help you.' The swordsman unlocked a massive door to reveal a hand crafted and fully fitting Kendo Nagasaki suit and hood combo, complete with zippers up the back. He exhaled slowly in anticipation and his breath escaped him like the low hiss of the tide going out. It really should have been like the tide coming in, but hey even Cowboys make mistakes. Quaid tentatively reached out, only to be slapped on the hand by the keeper. 'Get your hairy little mitts of that you thieving sprite, you can have the sword, not my favourite suit'. Quaid pulled his hand back and saw in the corner, the biggest glitziest ball gown he'd ever seen. "VIB's?" he asked "or am i mistaken, which is a very human failing and not one to be ashamed of at all!" "No, that belongs to the mighty G." replied the leather clad Kendo lookalike. "He looks after my mighty aray of gimp suits but permission must be sought to wear such garments many have tried and failed as the mighty G is a master P.r.a.t and moves with the stealth and speed of the wind!!! Quaid thought for a moment before deciding that people talked a lot of b******s these days. Feeling a little fed up, Quaid huffed and said 'listen Numb-nuts, am I getting this 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo or not. I've got a sea urchin to get'. The keeper. looking a little hurt at Quaids description of his nuts, said "that all depends.........can you solve the riddle?" "the riddle?" asked Quaid. "Yes, the riddle" replied the owner of the numbed nuts. "what riddle would that be?" Quaid continued. "the riddle..." stated the proprietor of the aformentioned desensitised dangly bits, ".........(cue drum roll) of diving! Riddle me this or riddle me that, which of you cut the nuts off me cat? .........What is it that forces you down more, as you go down, and that forces you up more, as you go up, in the water column?" "Um " said Quaid...."...well, if I knew that, I wouldn't be going to see the Mighty G would I. Now where' the chuffin' sword!' The Keeper merely smiled in Ming-The-Merciless kinda way, sneering " So Quaid, the riddle puzzles you and you find yourself unable to answer! " wahahahaha laughed the Kendo hood wearing evil-doer, in a way only the truly maniacal (and owners of numbed nuts) can. Quaid stood, legs astride and hands on hips before running throught the keepers legs, jumping on his back and pulling back his head by jamming his furry little fingers up his nose. 'Right you smug git, either give me the sword or prepare to be Quaided!' The keeper gave in saying "i thought that was illegal in 49 states!! and don't you have to be naked to indulge in Full-On Quaiding anyway?" Quaid stuck his fingers further up the nose - up so far he could tickle the keepers tonsils - and ululated the war cry of the true bo'nessian.....".......
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Post by GScrym on Sept 20, 2006 10:48:59 GMT
Quaid studied the map carefully whilst travelling on a friendly rather hairy 3 legged cross eyed jack russell on steroids which came from the distant land of the ochil hills where they struck a strong bond from their last adventure!
As they were walking over the hill they saw something which was very unusual indeed. It was so unusual it was hardly ever seen. They saw a little Pixie wearing a fully functioning rebreather. Quaid and his poochy pal approached the pixie. The Pixie introduced himself as "Bob" and intimated that he may well know where Quaid could get his hands on the custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo.
Quaid pondered on "Bob's" intimation whilst wondering how his canine friend cocked a leg and still stayed upright. Bob said 'I'm telling you nothing until you stop staring at that dog doing a pawstand'. Quaid apologised for his distraction and said "maybe you can help me bob?? i am trying to find a 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo" "AAAHHHH!!!!" bob replied "i know where to go and if you cross my palm with silver i shall tell you everything you need to know how to get the sword". With a sadden look upon the poor sprites face he replied "Unfortunately i own no silver, however i do have this mad, drug addled Jack Russell terrier with whom I have shared many experiences and stuck together through thick and thin and is very loyal and answers to the name garr" Quaid replyed. Bob was heartily unimpressed with the offer of a substandard terrier with obvious mental problems and history of drug abuse. Gar put on his best sad puppy eyes, which looked like he had a squint. Bob's harsh pixie heart melted. 'Who could resist such a troubled little fuzzball. I'll give you the info you need to find the 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo. It lies in the possession of the "Keeper of the Mankee Peeg", he obtained it in turn from the cross dressing transylvanian, who stays in a land far away. The cross dresser was once known to Quaid as a sensei of the underwater ways. These days, he preferred frilly undies to underwater. Still keen on tramping across hill and dale, sensei had swapped the joys of the seven sisters for the lesser joys of just two. As the sensei was not great in stature, the lesser joys were sufficient for him. Quaid set off in search of the keeper of The Mankee Peeg. To help him find her, he asked Bob if he could borrow a tight fitting basque and suspender set that he could hide under his macintosh. The secret thrill of dressing up again would keep his spritis up in his quest. Then he set off, with just a jump to the left............ and then a step to the righhhhhhhhhhhhttttttttt . He put his hands on his hips..."whit ye daen ye big jessie ye?!" demanded Quaid's inner voice, breaking him free of the silky delights of his dance. Furtively glancing around to make sure no-one had witnessed his cross dressing dance antics, Quaid headed off in the direction of the nearest Master Swordsman, also known to the inner circle as The Keeper of the Mankee Peeg. On his arrival he kneeled before The Swordsman and uttered the words of power. 'Oh My God, look at the size of that, you could have someone's eye out with that thing'. Then turning to look at the impressive array of sharp implements Quaid said "is this one a dive knife?", to which The Keeper (reaching down to his thigh) pulled out the mammy/daddy of all blades and replied "No, THIs is a dive knife, obtained from the Golden Halls of HeeBay, blessed be his name and it bitch slaps that tooth pick from Hattori Hanzo but if that's what you need, I'll help you.' The swordsman unlocked a massive door to reveal a hand crafted and fully fitting Kendo Nagasaki suit and hood combo, complete with zippers up the back. He exhaled slowly in anticipation and his breath escaped him like the low hiss of the tide going out. It really should have been like the tide coming in, but hey even Cowboys make mistakes. Quaid tentatively reached out, only to be slapped on the hand by the keeper. 'Get your hairy little mitts of that you thieving sprite, you can have the sword, not my favourite suit'. Quaid pulled his hand back and saw in the corner, the biggest glitziest ball gown he'd ever seen. "VIB's?" he asked "or am i mistaken, which is a very human failing and not one to be ashamed of at all!" "No, that belongs to the mighty G." replied the leather clad Kendo lookalike. "He looks after my mighty aray of gimp suits but permission must be sought to wear such garments many have tried and failed as the mighty G is a master P.r.a.t and moves with the stealth and speed of the wind!!! Quaid thought for a moment before deciding that people talked a lot of b******s these days. Feeling a little fed up, Quaid huffed and said 'listen Numb-nuts, am I getting this 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo or not. I've got a sea urchin to get'. The keeper. looking a little hurt at Quaids description of his nuts, said "that all depends.........can you solve the riddle?" "the riddle?" asked Quaid. "Yes, the riddle" replied the owner of the numbed nuts. "what riddle would that be?" Quaid continued. "the riddle..." stated the proprietor of the aformentioned desensitised dangly bits, ".........(cue drum roll) of diving! Riddle me this or riddle me that, which of you cut the nuts off me cat? .........What is it that forces you down more, as you go down, and that forces you up more, as you go up, in the water column?" "Um " said Quaid...."...well, if I knew that, I wouldn't be going to see the Mighty G would I. Now where' the chuffin' sword!' The Keeper merely smiled in Ming-The-Merciless kinda way, sneering " So Quaid, the riddle puzzles you and you find yourself unable to answer! " wahahahaha laughed the Kendo hood wearing evil-doer, in a way only the truly maniacal (and owners of numbed nuts) can. Quaid stood, legs astride and hands on hips before running throught the keepers legs, jumping on his back and pulling back his head by jamming his furry little fingers up his nose. 'Right you smug git, either give me the sword or prepare to be Quaided!' The keeper gave in saying "i thought that was illegal in 49 states!! and don't you have to be naked to indulge in Full-On Quaiding anyway?" Quaid stuck his fingers further up the nose - up so far he could tickle the keepers tonsils - and ululated the war cry of the true bo'nessian....."gies it ya bassa''. The Keeper, no longer able to handle the excessive nose tugging said 'very well, I shall give you the sword. You are a scary, hairy little person and my delicate schnoz can't take no more. The sword is in the .....
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Post by cowboy on Sept 21, 2006 12:59:18 GMT
Quaid studied the map carefully whilst travelling on a friendly rather hairy 3 legged cross eyed jack russell on steroids which came from the distant land of the ochil hills where they struck a strong bond from their last adventure!
As they were walking over the hill they saw something which was very unusual indeed. It was so unusual it was hardly ever seen. They saw a little Pixie wearing a fully functioning rebreather. Quaid and his poochy pal approached the pixie. The Pixie introduced himself as "Bob" and intimated that he may well know where Quaid could get his hands on the custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo.
Quaid pondered on "Bob's" intimation whilst wondering how his canine friend cocked a leg and still stayed upright. Bob said 'I'm telling you nothing until you stop staring at that dog doing a pawstand'. Quaid apologised for his distraction and said "maybe you can help me bob?? i am trying to find a 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo" "AAAHHHH!!!!" bob replied "i know where to go and if you cross my palm with silver i shall tell you everything you need to know how to get the sword". With a sadden look upon the poor sprites face he replied "Unfortunately i own no silver, however i do have this mad, drug addled Jack Russell terrier with whom I have shared many experiences and stuck together through thick and thin and is very loyal and answers to the name garr" Quaid replyed. Bob was heartily unimpressed with the offer of a substandard terrier with obvious mental problems and history of drug abuse. Gar put on his best sad puppy eyes, which looked like he had a squint. Bob's harsh pixie heart melted. 'Who could resist such a troubled little fuzzball. I'll give you the info you need to find the 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo. It lies in the possession of the "Keeper of the Mankee Peeg", he obtained it in turn from the cross dressing transylvanian, who stays in a land far away. The cross dresser was once known to Quaid as a sensei of the underwater ways. These days, he preferred frilly undies to underwater. Still keen on tramping across hill and dale, sensei had swapped the joys of the seven sisters for the lesser joys of just two. As the sensei was not great in stature, the lesser joys were sufficient for him. Quaid set off in search of the keeper of The Mankee Peeg. To help him find her, he asked Bob if he could borrow a tight fitting basque and suspender set that he could hide under his macintosh. The secret thrill of dressing up again would keep his spritis up in his quest. Then he set off, with just a jump to the left............ and then a step to the righhhhhhhhhhhhttttttttt . He put his hands on his hips..."whit ye daen ye big jessie ye?!" demanded Quaid's inner voice, breaking him free of the silky delights of his dance. Furtively glancing around to make sure no-one had witnessed his cross dressing dance antics, Quaid headed off in the direction of the nearest Master Swordsman, also known to the inner circle as The Keeper of the Mankee Peeg. On his arrival he kneeled before The Swordsman and uttered the words of power. 'Oh My God, look at the size of that, you could have someone's eye out with that thing'. Then turning to look at the impressive array of sharp implements Quaid said "is this one a dive knife?", to which The Keeper (reaching down to his thigh) pulled out the mammy/daddy of all blades and replied "No, THIs is a dive knife, obtained from the Golden Halls of HeeBay, blessed be his name and it bitch slaps that tooth pick from Hattori Hanzo but if that's what you need, I'll help you.' The swordsman unlocked a massive door to reveal a hand crafted and fully fitting Kendo Nagasaki suit and hood combo, complete with zippers up the back. He exhaled slowly in anticipation and his breath escaped him like the low hiss of the tide going out. It really should have been like the tide coming in, but hey even Cowboys make mistakes. Quaid tentatively reached out, only to be slapped on the hand by the keeper. 'Get your hairy little mitts of that you thieving sprite, you can have the sword, not my favourite suit'. Quaid pulled his hand back and saw in the corner, the biggest glitziest ball gown he'd ever seen. "VIB's?" he asked "or am i mistaken, which is a very human failing and not one to be ashamed of at all!" "No, that belongs to the mighty G." replied the leather clad Kendo lookalike. "He looks after my mighty aray of gimp suits but permission must be sought to wear such garments many have tried and failed as the mighty G is a master P.r.a.t and moves with the stealth and speed of the wind!!! Quaid thought for a moment before deciding that people talked a lot of b******s these days. Feeling a little fed up, Quaid huffed and said 'listen Numb-nuts, am I getting this 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo or not. I've got a sea urchin to get'. The keeper. looking a little hurt at Quaids description of his nuts, said "that all depends.........can you solve the riddle?" "the riddle?" asked Quaid. "Yes, the riddle" replied the owner of the numbed nuts. "what riddle would that be?" Quaid continued. "the riddle..." stated the proprietor of the aformentioned desensitised dangly bits, ".........(cue drum roll) of diving! Riddle me this or riddle me that, which of you cut the nuts off me cat? .........What is it that forces you down more, as you go down, and that forces you up more, as you go up, in the water column?" "Um " said Quaid...."...well, if I knew that, I wouldn't be going to see the Mighty G would I. Now where' the chuffin' sword!' The Keeper merely smiled in Ming-The-Merciless kinda way, sneering " So Quaid, the riddle puzzles you and you find yourself unable to answer! " wahahahaha laughed the Kendo hood wearing evil-doer, in a way only the truly maniacal (and owners of numbed nuts) can. Quaid stood, legs astride and hands on hips before running throught the keepers legs, jumping on his back and pulling back his head by jamming his furry little fingers up his nose. 'Right you smug git, either give me the sword or prepare to be Quaided!' The keeper gave in saying "i thought that was illegal in 49 states!! and don't you have to be naked to indulge in Full-On Quaiding anyway?" Quaid stuck his fingers further up the nose - up so far he could tickle the keepers tonsils - and ululated the war cry of the true bo'nessian....."gies it ya bassa''. The Keeper, no longer able to handle the excessive nose tugging said 'very well, I shall give you the sword. You are a scary, hairy little person and my delicate schnoz can't take no more. The sword is in the stone.
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Post by GScrym on Sept 27, 2006 15:28:33 GMT
Quaid studied the map carefully whilst travelling on a friendly rather hairy 3 legged cross eyed jack russell on steroids which came from the distant land of the ochil hills where they struck a strong bond from their last adventure!
As they were walking over the hill they saw something which was very unusual indeed. It was so unusual it was hardly ever seen. They saw a little Pixie wearing a fully functioning rebreather. Quaid and his poochy pal approached the pixie. The Pixie introduced himself as "Bob" and intimated that he may well know where Quaid could get his hands on the custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo.
Quaid pondered on "Bob's" intimation whilst wondering how his canine friend cocked a leg and still stayed upright. Bob said 'I'm telling you nothing until you stop staring at that dog doing a pawstand'. Quaid apologised for his distraction and said "maybe you can help me bob?? i am trying to find a 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo" "AAAHHHH!!!!" bob replied "i know where to go and if you cross my palm with silver i shall tell you everything you need to know how to get the sword". With a sadden look upon the poor sprites face he replied "Unfortunately i own no silver, however i do have this mad, drug addled Jack Russell terrier with whom I have shared many experiences and stuck together through thick and thin and is very loyal and answers to the name garr" Quaid replyed. Bob was heartily unimpressed with the offer of a substandard terrier with obvious mental problems and history of drug abuse. Gar put on his best sad puppy eyes, which looked like he had a squint. Bob's harsh pixie heart melted. 'Who could resist such a troubled little fuzzball. I'll give you the info you need to find the 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo. It lies in the possession of the "Keeper of the Mankee Peeg", he obtained it in turn from the cross dressing transylvanian, who stays in a land far away. The cross dresser was once known to Quaid as a sensei of the underwater ways. These days, he preferred frilly undies to underwater. Still keen on tramping across hill and dale, sensei had swapped the joys of the seven sisters for the lesser joys of just two. As the sensei was not great in stature, the lesser joys were sufficient for him. Quaid set off in search of the keeper of The Mankee Peeg. To help him find her, he asked Bob if he could borrow a tight fitting basque and suspender set that he could hide under his macintosh. The secret thrill of dressing up again would keep his spritis up in his quest. Then he set off, with just a jump to the left............ and then a step to the righhhhhhhhhhhhttttttttt . He put his hands on his hips..."whit ye daen ye big jessie ye?!" demanded Quaid's inner voice, breaking him free of the silky delights of his dance. Furtively glancing around to make sure no-one had witnessed his cross dressing dance antics, Quaid headed off in the direction of the nearest Master Swordsman, also known to the inner circle as The Keeper of the Mankee Peeg. On his arrival he kneeled before The Swordsman and uttered the words of power. 'Oh My God, look at the size of that, you could have someone's eye out with that thing'. Then turning to look at the impressive array of sharp implements Quaid said "is this one a dive knife?", to which The Keeper (reaching down to his thigh) pulled out the mammy/daddy of all blades and replied "No, THIs is a dive knife, obtained from the Golden Halls of HeeBay, blessed be his name and it bitch slaps that tooth pick from Hattori Hanzo but if that's what you need, I'll help you.' The swordsman unlocked a massive door to reveal a hand crafted and fully fitting Kendo Nagasaki suit and hood combo, complete with zippers up the back. He exhaled slowly in anticipation and his breath escaped him like the low hiss of the tide going out. It really should have been like the tide coming in, but hey even Cowboys make mistakes. Quaid tentatively reached out, only to be slapped on the hand by the keeper. 'Get your hairy little mitts of that you thieving sprite, you can have the sword, not my favourite suit'. Quaid pulled his hand back and saw in the corner, the biggest glitziest ball gown he'd ever seen. "VIB's?" he asked "or am i mistaken, which is a very human failing and not one to be ashamed of at all!" "No, that belongs to the mighty G." replied the leather clad Kendo lookalike. "He looks after my mighty aray of gimp suits but permission must be sought to wear such garments many have tried and failed as the mighty G is a master P.r.a.t and moves with the stealth and speed of the wind!!! Quaid thought for a moment before deciding that people talked a lot of b******s these days. Feeling a little fed up, Quaid huffed and said 'listen Numb-nuts, am I getting this 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo or not. I've got a sea urchin to get'. The keeper. looking a little hurt at Quaids description of his nuts, said "that all depends.........can you solve the riddle?" "the riddle?" asked Quaid. "Yes, the riddle" replied the owner of the numbed nuts. "what riddle would that be?" Quaid continued. "the riddle..." stated the proprietor of the aformentioned desensitised dangly bits, ".........(cue drum roll) of diving! Riddle me this or riddle me that, which of you cut the nuts off me cat? .........What is it that forces you down more, as you go down, and that forces you up more, as you go up, in the water column?" "Um " said Quaid...."...well, if I knew that, I wouldn't be going to see the Mighty G would I. Now where' the chuffin' sword!' The Keeper merely smiled in Ming-The-Merciless kinda way, sneering " So Quaid, the riddle puzzles you and you find yourself unable to answer! " wahahahaha laughed the Kendo hood wearing evil-doer, in a way only the truly maniacal (and owners of numbed nuts) can. Quaid stood, legs astride and hands on hips before running throught the keepers legs, jumping on his back and pulling back his head by jamming his furry little fingers up his nose. 'Right you smug git, either give me the sword or prepare to be Quaided!' The keeper gave in saying "i thought that was illegal in 49 states!! and don't you have to be naked to indulge in Full-On Quaiding anyway?" Quaid stuck his fingers further up the nose - up so far he could tickle the keepers tonsils - and ululated the war cry of the true bo'nessian....."gies it ya bassa''. The Keeper, no longer able to handle the excessive nose tugging said 'very well, I shall give you the sword. You are a scary, hairy little person and my delicate schnoz can't take no more. The sword is in the stone. Quaid sprang over to the stone, which was a little slimy and pulled as hard as his hairy wee arms would allow. The sword sprung out and Quaid rolled back, knocking over the Keeper. 'Aiyah', the little fuzzball said, rubbing his......
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Post by Fiona on Oct 5, 2006 12:10:56 GMT
Quaid studied the map carefully whilst travelling on a friendly rather hairy 3 legged cross eyed jack russell on steroids which came from the distant land of the ochil hills where they struck a strong bond from their last adventure!
As they were walking over the hill they saw something which was very unusual indeed. It was so unusual it was hardly ever seen. They saw a little Pixie wearing a fully functioning rebreather. Quaid and his poochy pal approached the pixie. The Pixie introduced himself as "Bob" and intimated that he may well know where Quaid could get his hands on the custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo.
Quaid pondered on "Bob's" intimation whilst wondering how his canine friend cocked a leg and still stayed upright. Bob said 'I'm telling you nothing until you stop staring at that dog doing a pawstand'. Quaid apologised for his distraction and said "maybe you can help me bob?? i am trying to find a 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo" "AAAHHHH!!!!" bob replied "i know where to go and if you cross my palm with silver i shall tell you everything you need to know how to get the sword". With a sadden look upon the poor sprites face he replied "Unfortunately i own no silver, however i do have this mad, drug addled Jack Russell terrier with whom I have shared many experiences and stuck together through thick and thin and is very loyal and answers to the name garr" Quaid replyed. Bob was heartily unimpressed with the offer of a substandard terrier with obvious mental problems and history of drug abuse. Gar put on his best sad puppy eyes, which looked like he had a squint. Bob's harsh pixie heart melted. 'Who could resist such a troubled little fuzzball. I'll give you the info you need to find the 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo. It lies in the possession of the "Keeper of the Mankee Peeg", he obtained it in turn from the cross dressing transylvanian, who stays in a land far away. The cross dresser was once known to Quaid as a sensei of the underwater ways. These days, he preferred frilly undies to underwater. Still keen on tramping across hill and dale, sensei had swapped the joys of the seven sisters for the lesser joys of just two. As the sensei was not great in stature, the lesser joys were sufficient for him. Quaid set off in search of the keeper of The Mankee Peeg. To help him find her, he asked Bob if he could borrow a tight fitting basque and suspender set that he could hide under his macintosh. The secret thrill of dressing up again would keep his spritis up in his quest. Then he set off, with just a jump to the left............ and then a step to the righhhhhhhhhhhhttttttttt . He put his hands on his hips..."whit ye daen ye big jessie ye?!" demanded Quaid's inner voice, breaking him free of the silky delights of his dance. Furtively glancing around to make sure no-one had witnessed his cross dressing dance antics, Quaid headed off in the direction of the nearest Master Swordsman, also known to the inner circle as The Keeper of the Mankee Peeg. On his arrival he kneeled before The Swordsman and uttered the words of power. 'Oh My God, look at the size of that, you could have someone's eye out with that thing'. Then turning to look at the impressive array of sharp implements Quaid said "is this one a dive knife?", to which The Keeper (reaching down to his thigh) pulled out the mammy/daddy of all blades and replied "No, THIs is a dive knife, obtained from the Golden Halls of HeeBay, blessed be his name and it bitch slaps that tooth pick from Hattori Hanzo but if that's what you need, I'll help you.' The swordsman unlocked a massive door to reveal a hand crafted and fully fitting Kendo Nagasaki suit and hood combo, complete with zippers up the back. He exhaled slowly in anticipation and his breath escaped him like the low hiss of the tide going out. It really should have been like the tide coming in, but hey even Cowboys make mistakes. Quaid tentatively reached out, only to be slapped on the hand by the keeper. 'Get your hairy little mitts of that you thieving sprite, you can have the sword, not my favourite suit'. Quaid pulled his hand back and saw in the corner, the biggest glitziest ball gown he'd ever seen. "VIB's?" he asked "or am i mistaken, which is a very human failing and not one to be ashamed of at all!" "No, that belongs to the mighty G." replied the leather clad Kendo lookalike. "He looks after my mighty aray of gimp suits but permission must be sought to wear such garments many have tried and failed as the mighty G is a master P.r.a.t and moves with the stealth and speed of the wind!!! Quaid thought for a moment before deciding that people talked a lot of b******s these days. Feeling a little fed up, Quaid huffed and said 'listen Numb-nuts, am I getting this 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo or not. I've got a sea urchin to get'. The keeper. looking a little hurt at Quaids description of his nuts, said "that all depends.........can you solve the riddle?" "the riddle?" asked Quaid. "Yes, the riddle" replied the owner of the numbed nuts. "what riddle would that be?" Quaid continued. "the riddle..." stated the proprietor of the aformentioned desensitised dangly bits, ".........(cue drum roll) of diving! Riddle me this or riddle me that, which of you cut the nuts off me cat? .........What is it that forces you down more, as you go down, and that forces you up more, as you go up, in the water column?" "Um " said Quaid...."...well, if I knew that, I wouldn't be going to see the Mighty G would I. Now where' the chuffin' sword!' The Keeper merely smiled in Ming-The-Merciless kinda way, sneering " So Quaid, the riddle puzzles you and you find yourself unable to answer! " wahahahaha laughed the Kendo hood wearing evil-doer, in a way only the truly maniacal (and owners of numbed nuts) can. Quaid stood, legs astride and hands on hips before running throught the keepers legs, jumping on his back and pulling back his head by jamming his furry little fingers up his nose. 'Right you smug git, either give me the sword or prepare to be Quaided!' The keeper gave in saying "i thought that was illegal in 49 states!! and don't you have to be naked to indulge in Full-On Quaiding anyway?" Quaid stuck his fingers further up the nose - up so far he could tickle the keepers tonsils - and ululated the war cry of the true bo'nessian....."gies it ya bassa''. The Keeper, no longer able to handle the excessive nose tugging said 'very well, I shall give you the sword. You are a scary, hairy little person and my delicate schnoz can't take no more. The sword is in the stone. Quaid sprang over to the stone, which was a little slimy and pulled as hard as his hairy wee arms would allow. The sword sprung out and Quaid rolled back, knocking over the Keeper. 'Aiyah', the little fuzzball said, rubbing his shiny new sword with glee. "Cool. This will enable me to fend fend off villains and traitors as I continue on my journey for the final item!" Quaid exclaimed.
Quaid pondered (yet again) how in God's name he was going to retrieve the Sparkliest Urchin from Princess Fiona's crown. After all he didn't even have a clue....
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Post by Sam on Oct 5, 2006 12:36:00 GMT
Quaid studied the map carefully whilst travelling on a friendly rather hairy 3 legged cross eyed jack russell on steroids which came from the distant land of the ochil hills where they struck a strong bond from their last adventure!
As they were walking over the hill they saw something which was very unusual indeed. It was so unusual it was hardly ever seen. They saw a little Pixie wearing a fully functioning rebreather. Quaid and his poochy pal approached the pixie. The Pixie introduced himself as "Bob" and intimated that he may well know where Quaid could get his hands on the custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo.
Quaid pondered on "Bob's" intimation whilst wondering how his canine friend cocked a leg and still stayed upright. Bob said 'I'm telling you nothing until you stop staring at that dog doing a pawstand'. Quaid apologised for his distraction and said "maybe you can help me bob?? i am trying to find a 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo" "AAAHHHH!!!!" bob replied "i know where to go and if you cross my palm with silver i shall tell you everything you need to know how to get the sword". With a sadden look upon the poor sprites face he replied "Unfortunately i own no silver, however i do have this mad, drug addled Jack Russell terrier with whom I have shared many experiences and stuck together through thick and thin and is very loyal and answers to the name garr" Quaid replyed. Bob was heartily unimpressed with the offer of a substandard terrier with obvious mental problems and history of drug abuse. Gar put on his best sad puppy eyes, which looked like he had a squint. Bob's harsh pixie heart melted. 'Who could resist such a troubled little fuzzball. I'll give you the info you need to find the 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo. It lies in the possession of the "Keeper of the Mankee Peeg", he obtained it in turn from the cross dressing transylvanian, who stays in a land far away. The cross dresser was once known to Quaid as a sensei of the underwater ways. These days, he preferred frilly undies to underwater. Still keen on tramping across hill and dale, sensei had swapped the joys of the seven sisters for the lesser joys of just two. As the sensei was not great in stature, the lesser joys were sufficient for him. Quaid set off in search of the keeper of The Mankee Peeg. To help him find her, he asked Bob if he could borrow a tight fitting basque and suspender set that he could hide under his macintosh. The secret thrill of dressing up again would keep his spritis up in his quest. Then he set off, with just a jump to the left............ and then a step to the righhhhhhhhhhhhttttttttt . He put his hands on his hips..."whit ye daen ye big jessie ye?!" demanded Quaid's inner voice, breaking him free of the silky delights of his dance. Furtively glancing around to make sure no-one had witnessed his cross dressing dance antics, Quaid headed off in the direction of the nearest Master Swordsman, also known to the inner circle as The Keeper of the Mankee Peeg. On his arrival he kneeled before The Swordsman and uttered the words of power. 'Oh My God, look at the size of that, you could have someone's eye out with that thing'. Then turning to look at the impressive array of sharp implements Quaid said "is this one a dive knife?", to which The Keeper (reaching down to his thigh) pulled out the mammy/daddy of all blades and replied "No, THIs is a dive knife, obtained from the Golden Halls of HeeBay, blessed be his name and it bitch slaps that tooth pick from Hattori Hanzo but if that's what you need, I'll help you.' The swordsman unlocked a massive door to reveal a hand crafted and fully fitting Kendo Nagasaki suit and hood combo, complete with zippers up the back. He exhaled slowly in anticipation and his breath escaped him like the low hiss of the tide going out. It really should have been like the tide coming in, but hey even Cowboys make mistakes. Quaid tentatively reached out, only to be slapped on the hand by the keeper. 'Get your hairy little mitts of that you thieving sprite, you can have the sword, not my favourite suit'. Quaid pulled his hand back and saw in the corner, the biggest glitziest ball gown he'd ever seen. "VIB's?" he asked "or am i mistaken, which is a very human failing and not one to be ashamed of at all!" "No, that belongs to the mighty G." replied the leather clad Kendo lookalike. "He looks after my mighty aray of gimp suits but permission must be sought to wear such garments many have tried and failed as the mighty G is a master P.r.a.t and moves with the stealth and speed of the wind!!! Quaid thought for a moment before deciding that people talked a lot of b******s these days. Feeling a little fed up, Quaid huffed and said 'listen Numb-nuts, am I getting this 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo or not. I've got a sea urchin to get'. The keeper. looking a little hurt at Quaids description of his nuts, said "that all depends.........can you solve the riddle?" "the riddle?" asked Quaid. "Yes, the riddle" replied the owner of the numbed nuts. "what riddle would that be?" Quaid continued. "the riddle..." stated the proprietor of the aformentioned desensitised dangly bits, ".........(cue drum roll) of diving! Riddle me this or riddle me that, which of you cut the nuts off me cat? .........What is it that forces you down more, as you go down, and that forces you up more, as you go up, in the water column?" "Um " said Quaid...."...well, if I knew that, I wouldn't be going to see the Mighty G would I. Now where' the chuffin' sword!' The Keeper merely smiled in Ming-The-Merciless kinda way, sneering " So Quaid, the riddle puzzles you and you find yourself unable to answer! " wahahahaha laughed the Kendo hood wearing evil-doer, in a way only the truly maniacal (and owners of numbed nuts) can. Quaid stood, legs astride and hands on hips before running throught the keepers legs, jumping on his back and pulling back his head by jamming his furry little fingers up his nose. 'Right you smug git, either give me the sword or prepare to be Quaided!' The keeper gave in saying "i thought that was illegal in 49 states!! and don't you have to be naked to indulge in Full-On Quaiding anyway?" Quaid stuck his fingers further up the nose - up so far he could tickle the keepers tonsils - and ululated the war cry of the true bo'nessian....."gies it ya bassa''. The Keeper, no longer able to handle the excessive nose tugging said 'very well, I shall give you the sword. You are a scary, hairy little person and my delicate schnoz can't take no more. The sword is in the stone. Quaid sprang over to the stone, which was a little slimy and pulled as hard as his hairy wee arms would allow. The sword sprung out and Quaid rolled back, knocking over the Keeper. 'Aiyah', the little fuzzball said, rubbing his shiny new sword with glee. "Cool. This will enable me to fend fend off villains and traitors as I continue on my journey for the final item!" Quaid exclaimed.
Quaid pondered (yet again) how in God's name he was going to retrieve the Sparkliest Urchin from Princess Fiona's crown. After all he didn't even have a clue where to find her, let alone how to snaffle her sparkly bit. Remembering that...
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Post by gareth on Oct 5, 2006 12:51:10 GMT
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Quaid studied the map carefully whilst travelling on a friendly rather hairy 3 legged cross eyed jack russell on steroids which came from the distant land of the ochil hills where they struck a strong bond from their last adventure!
As they were walking over the hill they saw something which was very unusual indeed. It was so unusual it was hardly ever seen. They saw a little Pixie wearing a fully functioning rebreather. Quaid and his poochy pal approached the pixie. The Pixie introduced himself as "Bob" and intimated that he may well know where Quaid could get his hands on the custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo.
Quaid pondered on "Bob's" intimation whilst wondering how his canine friend cocked a leg and still stayed upright. Bob said 'I'm telling you nothing until you stop staring at that dog doing a pawstand'. Quaid apologised for his distraction and said "maybe you can help me bob?? i am trying to find a 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo" "AAAHHHH!!!!" bob replied "i know where to go and if you cross my palm with silver i shall tell you everything you need to know how to get the sword". With a sadden look upon the poor sprites face he replied "Unfortunately i own no silver, however i do have this mad, drug addled Jack Russell terrier with whom I have shared many experiences and stuck together through thick and thin and is very loyal and answers to the name garr" Quaid replyed. Bob was heartily unimpressed with the offer of a substandard terrier with obvious mental problems and history of drug abuse. Gar put on his best sad puppy eyes, which looked like he had a squint. Bob's harsh pixie heart melted. 'Who could resist such a troubled little fuzzball. I'll give you the info you need to find the 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo. It lies in the possession of the "Keeper of the Mankee Peeg", he obtained it in turn from the cross dressing transylvanian, who stays in a land far away. The cross dresser was once known to Quaid as a sensei of the underwater ways. These days, he preferred frilly undies to underwater. Still keen on tramping across hill and dale, sensei had swapped the joys of the seven sisters for the lesser joys of just two. As the sensei was not great in stature, the lesser joys were sufficient for him. Quaid set off in search of the keeper of The Mankee Peeg. To help him find her, he asked Bob if he could borrow a tight fitting basque and suspender set that he could hide under his macintosh. The secret thrill of dressing up again would keep his spritis up in his quest. Then he set off, with just a jump to the left............ and then a step to the righhhhhhhhhhhhttttttttt . He put his hands on his hips..."whit ye daen ye big jessie ye?!" demanded Quaid's inner voice, breaking him free of the silky delights of his dance. Furtively glancing around to make sure no-one had witnessed his cross dressing dance antics, Quaid headed off in the direction of the nearest Master Swordsman, also known to the inner circle as The Keeper of the Mankee Peeg. On his arrival he kneeled before The Swordsman and uttered the words of power. 'Oh My God, look at the size of that, you could have someone's eye out with that thing'. Then turning to look at the impressive array of sharp implements Quaid said "is this one a dive knife?", to which The Keeper (reaching down to his thigh) pulled out the mammy/daddy of all blades and replied "No, THIs is a dive knife, obtained from the Golden Halls of HeeBay, blessed be his name and it bitch slaps that tooth pick from Hattori Hanzo but if that's what you need, I'll help you.' The swordsman unlocked a massive door to reveal a hand crafted and fully fitting Kendo Nagasaki suit and hood combo, complete with zippers up the back. He exhaled slowly in anticipation and his breath escaped him like the low hiss of the tide going out. It really should have been like the tide coming in, but hey even Cowboys make mistakes. Quaid tentatively reached out, only to be slapped on the hand by the keeper. 'Get your hairy little mitts of that you thieving sprite, you can have the sword, not my favourite suit'. Quaid pulled his hand back and saw in the corner, the biggest glitziest ball gown he'd ever seen. "VIB's?" he asked "or am i mistaken, which is a very human failing and not one to be ashamed of at all!" "No, that belongs to the mighty G." replied the leather clad Kendo lookalike. "He looks after my mighty aray of gimp suits but permission must be sought to wear such garments many have tried and failed as the mighty G is a master P.r.a.t and moves with the stealth and speed of the wind!!! Quaid thought for a moment before deciding that people talked a lot of b******s these days. Feeling a little fed up, Quaid huffed and said 'listen Numb-nuts, am I getting this 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo or not. I've got a sea urchin to get'. The keeper. looking a little hurt at Quaids description of his nuts, said "that all depends.........can you solve the riddle?" "the riddle?" asked Quaid. "Yes, the riddle" replied the owner of the numbed nuts. "what riddle would that be?" Quaid continued. "the riddle..." stated the proprietor of the aformentioned desensitised dangly bits, ".........(cue drum roll) of diving! Riddle me this or riddle me that, which of you cut the nuts off me cat? .........What is it that forces you down more, as you go down, and that forces you up more, as you go up, in the water column?" "Um " said Quaid...."...well, if I knew that, I wouldn't be going to see the Mighty G would I. Now where' the chuffin' sword!' The Keeper merely smiled in Ming-The-Merciless kinda way, sneering " So Quaid, the riddle puzzles you and you find yourself unable to answer! " wahahahaha laughed the Kendo hood wearing evil-doer, in a way only the truly maniacal (and owners of numbed nuts) can. Quaid stood, legs astride and hands on hips before running throught the keepers legs, jumping on his back and pulling back his head by jamming his furry little fingers up his nose. 'Right you smug git, either give me the sword or prepare to be Quaided!' The keeper gave in saying "i thought that was illegal in 49 states!! and don't you have to be naked to indulge in Full-On Quaiding anyway?" Quaid stuck his fingers further up the nose - up so far he could tickle the keepers tonsils - and ululated the war cry of the true bo'nessian....."gies it ya bassa''. The Keeper, no longer able to handle the excessive nose tugging said 'very well, I shall give you the sword. You are a scary, hairy little person and my delicate schnoz can't take no more. The sword is in the stone. Quaid sprang over to the stone, which was a little slimy and pulled as hard as his hairy wee arms would allow. The sword sprung out and Quaid rolled back, knocking over the Keeper. 'Aiyah', the little fuzzball said, rubbing his shiny new sword with glee. "Cool. This will enable me to fend fend off villains and traitors as I continue on my journey for the final item!" Quaid exclaimed.
Quaid pondered (yet again) how in God's name he was going to retrieve the Sparkliest Urchin from Princess Fiona's crown. After all he didn't even have a clue where to find her, let alone how to snaffle her sparkly bit. Remembering that she had a penchant for strongbows finest canned apples he headed for the nearest hostelry hoping she'd had one too many and was getting her top off
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Post by GScrym on Oct 6, 2006 11:10:30 GMT
Quaid studied the map carefully whilst travelling on a friendly rather hairy 3 legged cross eyed jack russell on steroids which came from the distant land of the ochil hills where they struck a strong bond from their last adventure!
As they were walking over the hill they saw something which was very unusual indeed. It was so unusual it was hardly ever seen. They saw a little Pixie wearing a fully functioning rebreather. Quaid and his poochy pal approached the pixie. The Pixie introduced himself as "Bob" and intimated that he may well know where Quaid could get his hands on the custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo.
Quaid pondered on "Bob's" intimation whilst wondering how his canine friend cocked a leg and still stayed upright. Bob said 'I'm telling you nothing until you stop staring at that dog doing a pawstand'. Quaid apologised for his distraction and said "maybe you can help me bob?? i am trying to find a 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo" "AAAHHHH!!!!" bob replied "i know where to go and if you cross my palm with silver i shall tell you everything you need to know how to get the sword". With a sadden look upon the poor sprites face he replied "Unfortunately i own no silver, however i do have this mad, drug addled Jack Russell terrier with whom I have shared many experiences and stuck together through thick and thin and is very loyal and answers to the name garr" Quaid replyed. Bob was heartily unimpressed with the offer of a substandard terrier with obvious mental problems and history of drug abuse. Gar put on his best sad puppy eyes, which looked like he had a squint. Bob's harsh pixie heart melted. 'Who could resist such a troubled little fuzzball. I'll give you the info you need to find the 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo. It lies in the possession of the "Keeper of the Mankee Peeg", he obtained it in turn from the cross dressing transylvanian, who stays in a land far away. The cross dresser was once known to Quaid as a sensei of the underwater ways. These days, he preferred frilly undies to underwater. Still keen on tramping across hill and dale, sensei had swapped the joys of the seven sisters for the lesser joys of just two. As the sensei was not great in stature, the lesser joys were sufficient for him. Quaid set off in search of the keeper of The Mankee Peeg. To help him find her, he asked Bob if he could borrow a tight fitting basque and suspender set that he could hide under his macintosh. The secret thrill of dressing up again would keep his spritis up in his quest. Then he set off, with just a jump to the left............ and then a step to the righhhhhhhhhhhhttttttttt . He put his hands on his hips..."whit ye daen ye big jessie ye?!" demanded Quaid's inner voice, breaking him free of the silky delights of his dance. Furtively glancing around to make sure no-one had witnessed his cross dressing dance antics, Quaid headed off in the direction of the nearest Master Swordsman, also known to the inner circle as The Keeper of the Mankee Peeg. On his arrival he kneeled before The Swordsman and uttered the words of power. 'Oh My God, look at the size of that, you could have someone's eye out with that thing'. Then turning to look at the impressive array of sharp implements Quaid said "is this one a dive knife?", to which The Keeper (reaching down to his thigh) pulled out the mammy/daddy of all blades and replied "No, THIs is a dive knife, obtained from the Golden Halls of HeeBay, blessed be his name and it bitch slaps that tooth pick from Hattori Hanzo but if that's what you need, I'll help you.' The swordsman unlocked a massive door to reveal a hand crafted and fully fitting Kendo Nagasaki suit and hood combo, complete with zippers up the back. He exhaled slowly in anticipation and his breath escaped him like the low hiss of the tide going out. It really should have been like the tide coming in, but hey even Cowboys make mistakes. Quaid tentatively reached out, only to be slapped on the hand by the keeper. 'Get your hairy little mitts of that you thieving sprite, you can have the sword, not my favourite suit'. Quaid pulled his hand back and saw in the corner, the biggest glitziest ball gown he'd ever seen. "VIB's?" he asked "or am i mistaken, which is a very human failing and not one to be ashamed of at all!" "No, that belongs to the mighty G." replied the leather clad Kendo lookalike. "He looks after my mighty aray of gimp suits but permission must be sought to wear such garments many have tried and failed as the mighty G is a master P.r.a.t and moves with the stealth and speed of the wind!!! Quaid thought for a moment before deciding that people talked a lot of b******s these days. Feeling a little fed up, Quaid huffed and said 'listen Numb-nuts, am I getting this 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo or not. I've got a sea urchin to get'. The keeper. looking a little hurt at Quaids description of his nuts, said "that all depends.........can you solve the riddle?" "the riddle?" asked Quaid. "Yes, the riddle" replied the owner of the numbed nuts. "what riddle would that be?" Quaid continued. "the riddle..." stated the proprietor of the aformentioned desensitised dangly bits, ".........(cue drum roll) of diving! Riddle me this or riddle me that, which of you cut the nuts off me cat? .........What is it that forces you down more, as you go down, and that forces you up more, as you go up, in the water column?" "Um " said Quaid...."...well, if I knew that, I wouldn't be going to see the Mighty G would I. Now where' the chuffin' sword!' The Keeper merely smiled in Ming-The-Merciless kinda way, sneering " So Quaid, the riddle puzzles you and you find yourself unable to answer! " wahahahaha laughed the Kendo hood wearing evil-doer, in a way only the truly maniacal (and owners of numbed nuts) can. Quaid stood, legs astride and hands on hips before running throught the keepers legs, jumping on his back and pulling back his head by jamming his furry little fingers up his nose. 'Right you smug git, either give me the sword or prepare to be Quaided!' The keeper gave in saying "i thought that was illegal in 49 states!! and don't you have to be naked to indulge in Full-On Quaiding anyway?" Quaid stuck his fingers further up the nose - up so far he could tickle the keepers tonsils - and ululated the war cry of the true bo'nessian....."gies it ya bassa''. The Keeper, no longer able to handle the excessive nose tugging said 'very well, I shall give you the sword. You are a scary, hairy little person and my delicate schnoz can't take no more. The sword is in the stone. Quaid sprang over to the stone, which was a little slimy and pulled as hard as his hairy wee arms would allow. The sword sprung out and Quaid rolled back, knocking over the Keeper. 'Aiyah', the little fuzzball said, rubbing his shiny new sword with glee. "Cool. This will enable me to fend fend off villains and traitors as I continue on my journey for the final item!" Quaid exclaimed.
Quaid pondered (yet again) how in God's name he was going to retrieve the Sparkliest Urchin from Princess Fiona's crown. After all he didn't even have a clue where to find her, let alone how to snaffle her sparkly bit. Remembering that she had a penchant for strongbows finest canned apples he headed for the nearest hostelry hoping she'd had one too many and was getting her top off. He headed off for the nearest bar with a pool table where she had been known to hustle many a poor subject. As he skipped along, contemplating the possibly topless Princess, a plan hatched in his furry little head.
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Post by gareth on Oct 8, 2006 1:28:23 GMT
Quaid studied the map carefully whilst travelling on a friendly rather hairy 3 legged cross eyed jack russell on steroids which came from the distant land of the ochil hills where they struck a strong bond from their last adventure!
As they were walking over the hill they saw something which was very unusual indeed. It was so unusual it was hardly ever seen. They saw a little Pixie wearing a fully functioning rebreather. Quaid and his poochy pal approached the pixie. The Pixie introduced himself as "Bob" and intimated that he may well know where Quaid could get his hands on the custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo.
Quaid pondered on "Bob's" intimation whilst wondering how his canine friend cocked a leg and still stayed upright. Bob said 'I'm telling you nothing until you stop staring at that dog doing a pawstand'. Quaid apologised for his distraction and said "maybe you can help me bob?? i am trying to find a 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo" "AAAHHHH!!!!" bob replied "i know where to go and if you cross my palm with silver i shall tell you everything you need to know how to get the sword". With a sadden look upon the poor sprites face he replied "Unfortunately i own no silver, however i do have this mad, drug addled Jack Russell terrier with whom I have shared many experiences and stuck together through thick and thin and is very loyal and answers to the name garr" Quaid replyed. Bob was heartily unimpressed with the offer of a substandard terrier with obvious mental problems and history of drug abuse. Gar put on his best sad puppy eyes, which looked like he had a squint. Bob's harsh pixie heart melted. 'Who could resist such a troubled little fuzzball. I'll give you the info you need to find the 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo. It lies in the possession of the "Keeper of the Mankee Peeg", he obtained it in turn from the cross dressing transylvanian, who stays in a land far away. The cross dresser was once known to Quaid as a sensei of the underwater ways. These days, he preferred frilly undies to underwater. Still keen on tramping across hill and dale, sensei had swapped the joys of the seven sisters for the lesser joys of just two. As the sensei was not great in stature, the lesser joys were sufficient for him. Quaid set off in search of the keeper of The Mankee Peeg. To help him find her, he asked Bob if he could borrow a tight fitting basque and suspender set that he could hide under his macintosh. The secret thrill of dressing up again would keep his spritis up in his quest. Then he set off, with just a jump to the left............ and then a step to the righhhhhhhhhhhhttttttttt . He put his hands on his hips..."whit ye daen ye big jessie ye?!" demanded Quaid's inner voice, breaking him free of the silky delights of his dance. Furtively glancing around to make sure no-one had witnessed his cross dressing dance antics, Quaid headed off in the direction of the nearest Master Swordsman, also known to the inner circle as The Keeper of the Mankee Peeg. On his arrival he kneeled before The Swordsman and uttered the words of power. 'Oh My God, look at the size of that, you could have someone's eye out with that thing'. Then turning to look at the impressive array of sharp implements Quaid said "is this one a dive knife?", to which The Keeper (reaching down to his thigh) pulled out the mammy/daddy of all blades and replied "No, THIs is a dive knife, obtained from the Golden Halls of HeeBay, blessed be his name and it bitch slaps that tooth pick from Hattori Hanzo but if that's what you need, I'll help you.' The swordsman unlocked a massive door to reveal a hand crafted and fully fitting Kendo Nagasaki suit and hood combo, complete with zippers up the back. He exhaled slowly in anticipation and his breath escaped him like the low hiss of the tide going out. It really should have been like the tide coming in, but hey even Cowboys make mistakes. Quaid tentatively reached out, only to be slapped on the hand by the keeper. 'Get your hairy little mitts of that you thieving sprite, you can have the sword, not my favourite suit'. Quaid pulled his hand back and saw in the corner, the biggest glitziest ball gown he'd ever seen. "VIB's?" he asked "or am i mistaken, which is a very human failing and not one to be ashamed of at all!" "No, that belongs to the mighty G." replied the leather clad Kendo lookalike. "He looks after my mighty aray of gimp suits but permission must be sought to wear such garments many have tried and failed as the mighty G is a master P.r.a.t and moves with the stealth and speed of the wind!!! Quaid thought for a moment before deciding that people talked a lot of b******s these days. Feeling a little fed up, Quaid huffed and said 'listen Numb-nuts, am I getting this 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo or not. I've got a sea urchin to get'. The keeper. looking a little hurt at Quaids description of his nuts, said "that all depends.........can you solve the riddle?" "the riddle?" asked Quaid. "Yes, the riddle" replied the owner of the numbed nuts. "what riddle would that be?" Quaid continued. "the riddle..." stated the proprietor of the aformentioned desensitised dangly bits, ".........(cue drum roll) of diving! Riddle me this or riddle me that, which of you cut the nuts off me cat? .........What is it that forces you down more, as you go down, and that forces you up more, as you go up, in the water column?" "Um " said Quaid...."...well, if I knew that, I wouldn't be going to see the Mighty G would I. Now where' the chuffin' sword!' The Keeper merely smiled in Ming-The-Merciless kinda way, sneering " So Quaid, the riddle puzzles you and you find yourself unable to answer! " wahahahaha laughed the Kendo hood wearing evil-doer, in a way only the truly maniacal (and owners of numbed nuts) can. Quaid stood, legs astride and hands on hips before running throught the keepers legs, jumping on his back and pulling back his head by jamming his furry little fingers up his nose. 'Right you smug git, either give me the sword or prepare to be Quaided!' The keeper gave in saying "i thought that was illegal in 49 states!! and don't you have to be naked to indulge in Full-On Quaiding anyway?" Quaid stuck his fingers further up the nose - up so far he could tickle the keepers tonsils - and ululated the war cry of the true bo'nessian....."gies it ya bassa''. The Keeper, no longer able to handle the excessive nose tugging said 'very well, I shall give you the sword. You are a scary, hairy little person and my delicate schnoz can't take no more. The sword is in the stone. Quaid sprang over to the stone, which was a little slimy and pulled as hard as his hairy wee arms would allow. The sword sprung out and Quaid rolled back, knocking over the Keeper. 'Aiyah', the little fuzzball said, rubbing his shiny new sword with glee. "Cool. This will enable me to fend fend off villains and traitors as I continue on my journey for the final item!" Quaid exclaimed.
Quaid pondered (yet again) how in God's name he was going to retrieve the Sparkliest Urchin from Princess Fiona's crown. After all he didn't even have a clue where to find her, let alone how to snaffle her sparkly bit. Remembering that she had a penchant for strongbows finest canned apples he headed for the nearest hostelry hoping she'd had one too many and was getting her top off. He headed off for the nearest bar with a pool table where she had been known to hustle many a poor subject. As he skipped along, contemplating the possibly topless Princess, a plan hatched in his furry little head. Fearing he may need some kinda liquid dutch courage to help with this mammoth task he............................................
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Post by GScrym on Oct 8, 2006 18:48:15 GMT
Quaid studied the map carefully whilst travelling on a friendly rather hairy 3 legged cross eyed jack russell on steroids which came from the distant land of the ochil hills where they struck a strong bond from their last adventure!
As they were walking over the hill they saw something which was very unusual indeed. It was so unusual it was hardly ever seen. They saw a little Pixie wearing a fully functioning rebreather. Quaid and his poochy pal approached the pixie. The Pixie introduced himself as "Bob" and intimated that he may well know where Quaid could get his hands on the custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo.
Quaid pondered on "Bob's" intimation whilst wondering how his canine friend cocked a leg and still stayed upright. Bob said 'I'm telling you nothing until you stop staring at that dog doing a pawstand'. Quaid apologised for his distraction and said "maybe you can help me bob?? i am trying to find a 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo" "AAAHHHH!!!!" bob replied "i know where to go and if you cross my palm with silver i shall tell you everything you need to know how to get the sword". With a sadden look upon the poor sprites face he replied "Unfortunately i own no silver, however i do have this mad, drug addled Jack Russell terrier with whom I have shared many experiences and stuck together through thick and thin and is very loyal and answers to the name garr" Quaid replyed. Bob was heartily unimpressed with the offer of a substandard terrier with obvious mental problems and history of drug abuse. Gar put on his best sad puppy eyes, which looked like he had a squint. Bob's harsh pixie heart melted. 'Who could resist such a troubled little fuzzball. I'll give you the info you need to find the 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo. It lies in the possession of the "Keeper of the Mankee Peeg", he obtained it in turn from the cross dressing transylvanian, who stays in a land far away. The cross dresser was once known to Quaid as a sensei of the underwater ways. These days, he preferred frilly undies to underwater. Still keen on tramping across hill and dale, sensei had swapped the joys of the seven sisters for the lesser joys of just two. As the sensei was not great in stature, the lesser joys were sufficient for him. Quaid set off in search of the keeper of The Mankee Peeg. To help him find her, he asked Bob if he could borrow a tight fitting basque and suspender set that he could hide under his macintosh. The secret thrill of dressing up again would keep his spritis up in his quest. Then he set off, with just a jump to the left............ and then a step to the righhhhhhhhhhhhttttttttt . He put his hands on his hips..."whit ye daen ye big jessie ye?!" demanded Quaid's inner voice, breaking him free of the silky delights of his dance. Furtively glancing around to make sure no-one had witnessed his cross dressing dance antics, Quaid headed off in the direction of the nearest Master Swordsman, also known to the inner circle as The Keeper of the Mankee Peeg. On his arrival he kneeled before The Swordsman and uttered the words of power. 'Oh My God, look at the size of that, you could have someone's eye out with that thing'. Then turning to look at the impressive array of sharp implements Quaid said "is this one a dive knife?", to which The Keeper (reaching down to his thigh) pulled out the mammy/daddy of all blades and replied "No, THIs is a dive knife, obtained from the Golden Halls of HeeBay, blessed be his name and it bitch slaps that tooth pick from Hattori Hanzo but if that's what you need, I'll help you.' The swordsman unlocked a massive door to reveal a hand crafted and fully fitting Kendo Nagasaki suit and hood combo, complete with zippers up the back. He exhaled slowly in anticipation and his breath escaped him like the low hiss of the tide going out. It really should have been like the tide coming in, but hey even Cowboys make mistakes. Quaid tentatively reached out, only to be slapped on the hand by the keeper. 'Get your hairy little mitts of that you thieving sprite, you can have the sword, not my favourite suit'. Quaid pulled his hand back and saw in the corner, the biggest glitziest ball gown he'd ever seen. "VIB's?" he asked "or am i mistaken, which is a very human failing and not one to be ashamed of at all!" "No, that belongs to the mighty G." replied the leather clad Kendo lookalike. "He looks after my mighty aray of gimp suits but permission must be sought to wear such garments many have tried and failed as the mighty G is a master P.r.a.t and moves with the stealth and speed of the wind!!! Quaid thought for a moment before deciding that people talked a lot of b******s these days. Feeling a little fed up, Quaid huffed and said 'listen Numb-nuts, am I getting this 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo or not. I've got a sea urchin to get'. The keeper. looking a little hurt at Quaids description of his nuts, said "that all depends.........can you solve the riddle?" "the riddle?" asked Quaid. "Yes, the riddle" replied the owner of the numbed nuts. "what riddle would that be?" Quaid continued. "the riddle..." stated the proprietor of the aformentioned desensitised dangly bits, ".........(cue drum roll) of diving! Riddle me this or riddle me that, which of you cut the nuts off me cat? .........What is it that forces you down more, as you go down, and that forces you up more, as you go up, in the water column?" "Um " said Quaid...."...well, if I knew that, I wouldn't be going to see the Mighty G would I. Now where' the chuffin' sword!' The Keeper merely smiled in Ming-The-Merciless kinda way, sneering " So Quaid, the riddle puzzles you and you find yourself unable to answer! " wahahahaha laughed the Kendo hood wearing evil-doer, in a way only the truly maniacal (and owners of numbed nuts) can. Quaid stood, legs astride and hands on hips before running throught the keepers legs, jumping on his back and pulling back his head by jamming his furry little fingers up his nose. 'Right you smug git, either give me the sword or prepare to be Quaided!' The keeper gave in saying "i thought that was illegal in 49 states!! and don't you have to be naked to indulge in Full-On Quaiding anyway?" Quaid stuck his fingers further up the nose - up so far he could tickle the keepers tonsils - and ululated the war cry of the true bo'nessian....."gies it ya bassa''. The Keeper, no longer able to handle the excessive nose tugging said 'very well, I shall give you the sword. You are a scary, hairy little person and my delicate schnoz can't take no more. The sword is in the stone. Quaid sprang over to the stone, which was a little slimy and pulled as hard as his hairy wee arms would allow. The sword sprung out and Quaid rolled back, knocking over the Keeper. 'Aiyah', the little fuzzball said, rubbing his shiny new sword with glee. "Cool. This will enable me to fend fend off villains and traitors as I continue on my journey for the final item!" Quaid exclaimed.
Quaid pondered (yet again) how in God's name he was going to retrieve the Sparkliest Urchin from Princess Fiona's crown. After all he didn't even have a clue where to find her, let alone how to snaffle her sparkly bit. Remembering that she had a penchant for strongbows finest canned apples he headed for the nearest hostelry hoping she'd had one too many and was getting her top off. He headed off for the nearest bar with a pool table where she had been known to hustle many a poor subject. As he skipped along, contemplating the possibly topless Princess, a plan hatched in his furry little head. Fearing he may need some kinda liquid dutch courage to help with this mammoth task. He had a rummage through a bin, trying to see if he could find something amber and fizzy. He felt something..........
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Post by GScrym on Oct 12, 2006 11:19:20 GMT
Quaid studied the map carefully whilst travelling on a friendly rather hairy 3 legged cross eyed jack russell on steroids which came from the distant land of the ochil hills where they struck a strong bond from their last adventure!
As they were walking over the hill they saw something which was very unusual indeed. It was so unusual it was hardly ever seen. They saw a little Pixie wearing a fully functioning rebreather. Quaid and his poochy pal approached the pixie. The Pixie introduced himself as "Bob" and intimated that he may well know where Quaid could get his hands on the custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo.
Quaid pondered on "Bob's" intimation whilst wondering how his canine friend cocked a leg and still stayed upright. Bob said 'I'm telling you nothing until you stop staring at that dog doing a pawstand'. Quaid apologised for his distraction and said "maybe you can help me bob?? i am trying to find a 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo" "AAAHHHH!!!!" bob replied "i know where to go and if you cross my palm with silver i shall tell you everything you need to know how to get the sword". With a sadden look upon the poor sprites face he replied "Unfortunately i own no silver, however i do have this mad, drug addled Jack Russell terrier with whom I have shared many experiences and stuck together through thick and thin and is very loyal and answers to the name garr" Quaid replyed. Bob was heartily unimpressed with the offer of a substandard terrier with obvious mental problems and history of drug abuse. Gar put on his best sad puppy eyes, which looked like he had a squint. Bob's harsh pixie heart melted. 'Who could resist such a troubled little fuzzball. I'll give you the info you need to find the 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo. It lies in the possession of the "Keeper of the Mankee Peeg", he obtained it in turn from the cross dressing transylvanian, who stays in a land far away. The cross dresser was once known to Quaid as a sensei of the underwater ways. These days, he preferred frilly undies to underwater. Still keen on tramping across hill and dale, sensei had swapped the joys of the seven sisters for the lesser joys of just two. As the sensei was not great in stature, the lesser joys were sufficient for him. Quaid set off in search of the keeper of The Mankee Peeg. To help him find her, he asked Bob if he could borrow a tight fitting basque and suspender set that he could hide under his macintosh. The secret thrill of dressing up again would keep his spritis up in his quest. Then he set off, with just a jump to the left............ and then a step to the righhhhhhhhhhhhttttttttt . He put his hands on his hips..."whit ye daen ye big jessie ye?!" demanded Quaid's inner voice, breaking him free of the silky delights of his dance. Furtively glancing around to make sure no-one had witnessed his cross dressing dance antics, Quaid headed off in the direction of the nearest Master Swordsman, also known to the inner circle as The Keeper of the Mankee Peeg. On his arrival he kneeled before The Swordsman and uttered the words of power. 'Oh My God, look at the size of that, you could have someone's eye out with that thing'. Then turning to look at the impressive array of sharp implements Quaid said "is this one a dive knife?", to which The Keeper (reaching down to his thigh) pulled out the mammy/daddy of all blades and replied "No, THIs is a dive knife, obtained from the Golden Halls of HeeBay, blessed be his name and it bitch slaps that tooth pick from Hattori Hanzo but if that's what you need, I'll help you.' The swordsman unlocked a massive door to reveal a hand crafted and fully fitting Kendo Nagasaki suit and hood combo, complete with zippers up the back. He exhaled slowly in anticipation and his breath escaped him like the low hiss of the tide going out. It really should have been like the tide coming in, but hey even Cowboys make mistakes. Quaid tentatively reached out, only to be slapped on the hand by the keeper. 'Get your hairy little mitts of that you thieving sprite, you can have the sword, not my favourite suit'. Quaid pulled his hand back and saw in the corner, the biggest glitziest ball gown he'd ever seen. "VIB's?" he asked "or am i mistaken, which is a very human failing and not one to be ashamed of at all!" "No, that belongs to the mighty G." replied the leather clad Kendo lookalike. "He looks after my mighty aray of gimp suits but permission must be sought to wear such garments many have tried and failed as the mighty G is a master P.r.a.t and moves with the stealth and speed of the wind!!! Quaid thought for a moment before deciding that people talked a lot of b******s these days. Feeling a little fed up, Quaid huffed and said 'listen Numb-nuts, am I getting this 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo or not. I've got a sea urchin to get'. The keeper. looking a little hurt at Quaids description of his nuts, said "that all depends.........can you solve the riddle?" "the riddle?" asked Quaid. "Yes, the riddle" replied the owner of the numbed nuts. "what riddle would that be?" Quaid continued. "the riddle..." stated the proprietor of the aformentioned desensitised dangly bits, ".........(cue drum roll) of diving! Riddle me this or riddle me that, which of you cut the nuts off me cat? .........What is it that forces you down more, as you go down, and that forces you up more, as you go up, in the water column?" "Um " said Quaid...."...well, if I knew that, I wouldn't be going to see the Mighty G would I. Now where' the chuffin' sword!' The Keeper merely smiled in Ming-The-Merciless kinda way, sneering " So Quaid, the riddle puzzles you and you find yourself unable to answer! " wahahahaha laughed the Kendo hood wearing evil-doer, in a way only the truly maniacal (and owners of numbed nuts) can. Quaid stood, legs astride and hands on hips before running throught the keepers legs, jumping on his back and pulling back his head by jamming his furry little fingers up his nose. 'Right you smug git, either give me the sword or prepare to be Quaided!' The keeper gave in saying "i thought that was illegal in 49 states!! and don't you have to be naked to indulge in Full-On Quaiding anyway?" Quaid stuck his fingers further up the nose - up so far he could tickle the keepers tonsils - and ululated the war cry of the true bo'nessian....."gies it ya bassa''. The Keeper, no longer able to handle the excessive nose tugging said 'very well, I shall give you the sword. You are a scary, hairy little person and my delicate schnoz can't take no more. The sword is in the stone. Quaid sprang over to the stone, which was a little slimy and pulled as hard as his hairy wee arms would allow. The sword sprung out and Quaid rolled back, knocking over the Keeper. 'Aiyah', the little fuzzball said, rubbing his shiny new sword with glee. "Cool. This will enable me to fend fend off villains and traitors as I continue on my journey for the final item!" Quaid exclaimed.
Quaid pondered (yet again) how in God's name he was going to retrieve the Sparkliest Urchin from Princess Fiona's crown. After all he didn't even have a clue where to find her, let alone how to snaffle her sparkly bit. Remembering that she had a penchant for strongbows finest canned apples he headed for the nearest hostelry hoping she'd had one too many and was getting her top off. He headed off for the nearest bar with a pool table where she had been known to hustle many a poor subject. As he skipped along, contemplating the possibly topless Princess, a plan hatched in his furry little head. Fearing he may need some kinda liquid dutch courage to help with this mammoth task. He had a rummage through a bin, trying to see if he could find something amber and fizzy. He felt something prickly. He pulled out his rubbish encrusted hand to find................
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Post by gareth on Oct 12, 2006 23:38:01 GMT
Quaid studied the map carefully whilst travelling on a friendly rather hairy 3 legged cross eyed jack russell on steroids which came from the distant land of the ochil hills where they struck a strong bond from their last adventure!
As they were walking over the hill they saw something which was very unusual indeed. It was so unusual it was hardly ever seen. They saw a little Pixie wearing a fully functioning rebreather. Quaid and his poochy pal approached the pixie. The Pixie introduced himself as "Bob" and intimated that he may well know where Quaid could get his hands on the custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo.
Quaid pondered on "Bob's" intimation whilst wondering how his canine friend cocked a leg and still stayed upright. Bob said 'I'm telling you nothing until you stop staring at that dog doing a pawstand'. Quaid apologised for his distraction and said "maybe you can help me bob?? i am trying to find a 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo" "AAAHHHH!!!!" bob replied "i know where to go and if you cross my palm with silver i shall tell you everything you need to know how to get the sword". With a sadden look upon the poor sprites face he replied "Unfortunately i own no silver, however i do have this mad, drug addled Jack Russell terrier with whom I have shared many experiences and stuck together through thick and thin and is very loyal and answers to the name garr" Quaid replyed. Bob was heartily unimpressed with the offer of a substandard terrier with obvious mental problems and history of drug abuse. Gar put on his best sad puppy eyes, which looked like he had a squint. Bob's harsh pixie heart melted. 'Who could resist such a troubled little fuzzball. I'll give you the info you need to find the 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo. It lies in the possession of the "Keeper of the Mankee Peeg", he obtained it in turn from the cross dressing transylvanian, who stays in a land far away. The cross dresser was once known to Quaid as a sensei of the underwater ways. These days, he preferred frilly undies to underwater. Still keen on tramping across hill and dale, sensei had swapped the joys of the seven sisters for the lesser joys of just two. As the sensei was not great in stature, the lesser joys were sufficient for him. Quaid set off in search of the keeper of The Mankee Peeg. To help him find her, he asked Bob if he could borrow a tight fitting basque and suspender set that he could hide under his macintosh. The secret thrill of dressing up again would keep his spritis up in his quest. Then he set off, with just a jump to the left............ and then a step to the righhhhhhhhhhhhttttttttt . He put his hands on his hips..."whit ye daen ye big jessie ye?!" demanded Quaid's inner voice, breaking him free of the silky delights of his dance. Furtively glancing around to make sure no-one had witnessed his cross dressing dance antics, Quaid headed off in the direction of the nearest Master Swordsman, also known to the inner circle as The Keeper of the Mankee Peeg. On his arrival he kneeled before The Swordsman and uttered the words of power. 'Oh My God, look at the size of that, you could have someone's eye out with that thing'. Then turning to look at the impressive array of sharp implements Quaid said "is this one a dive knife?", to which The Keeper (reaching down to his thigh) pulled out the mammy/daddy of all blades and replied "No, THIs is a dive knife, obtained from the Golden Halls of HeeBay, blessed be his name and it bitch slaps that tooth pick from Hattori Hanzo but if that's what you need, I'll help you.' The swordsman unlocked a massive door to reveal a hand crafted and fully fitting Kendo Nagasaki suit and hood combo, complete with zippers up the back. He exhaled slowly in anticipation and his breath escaped him like the low hiss of the tide going out. It really should have been like the tide coming in, but hey even Cowboys make mistakes. Quaid tentatively reached out, only to be slapped on the hand by the keeper. 'Get your hairy little mitts of that you thieving sprite, you can have the sword, not my favourite suit'. Quaid pulled his hand back and saw in the corner, the biggest glitziest ball gown he'd ever seen. "VIB's?" he asked "or am i mistaken, which is a very human failing and not one to be ashamed of at all!" "No, that belongs to the mighty G." replied the leather clad Kendo lookalike. "He looks after my mighty aray of gimp suits but permission must be sought to wear such garments many have tried and failed as the mighty G is a master P.r.a.t and moves with the stealth and speed of the wind!!! Quaid thought for a moment before deciding that people talked a lot of b******s these days. Feeling a little fed up, Quaid huffed and said 'listen Numb-nuts, am I getting this 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo or not. I've got a sea urchin to get'. The keeper. looking a little hurt at Quaids description of his nuts, said "that all depends.........can you solve the riddle?" "the riddle?" asked Quaid. "Yes, the riddle" replied the owner of the numbed nuts. "what riddle would that be?" Quaid continued. "the riddle..." stated the proprietor of the aformentioned desensitised dangly bits, ".........(cue drum roll) of diving! Riddle me this or riddle me that, which of you cut the nuts off me cat? .........What is it that forces you down more, as you go down, and that forces you up more, as you go up, in the water column?" "Um " said Quaid...."...well, if I knew that, I wouldn't be going to see the Mighty G would I. Now where' the chuffin' sword!' The Keeper merely smiled in Ming-The-Merciless kinda way, sneering " So Quaid, the riddle puzzles you and you find yourself unable to answer! " wahahahaha laughed the Kendo hood wearing evil-doer, in a way only the truly maniacal (and owners of numbed nuts) can. Quaid stood, legs astride and hands on hips before running throught the keepers legs, jumping on his back and pulling back his head by jamming his furry little fingers up his nose. 'Right you smug git, either give me the sword or prepare to be Quaided!' The keeper gave in saying "i thought that was illegal in 49 states!! and don't you have to be naked to indulge in Full-On Quaiding anyway?" Quaid stuck his fingers further up the nose - up so far he could tickle the keepers tonsils - and ululated the war cry of the true bo'nessian....."gies it ya bassa''. The Keeper, no longer able to handle the excessive nose tugging said 'very well, I shall give you the sword. You are a scary, hairy little person and my delicate schnoz can't take no more. The sword is in the stone. Quaid sprang over to the stone, which was a little slimy and pulled as hard as his hairy wee arms would allow. The sword sprung out and Quaid rolled back, knocking over the Keeper. 'Aiyah', the little fuzzball said, rubbing his shiny new sword with glee. "Cool. This will enable me to fend fend off villains and traitors as I continue on my journey for the final item!" Quaid exclaimed.
Quaid pondered (yet again) how in God's name he was going to retrieve the Sparkliest Urchin from Princess Fiona's crown. After all he didn't even have a clue where to find her, let alone how to snaffle her sparkly bit. Remembering that she had a penchant for strongbows finest canned apples he headed for the nearest hostelry hoping she'd had one too many and was getting her top off. He headed off for the nearest bar with a pool table where she had been known to hustle many a poor subject. As he skipped along, contemplating the possibly topless Princess, a plan hatched in his furry little head. Fearing he may need some kinda liquid dutch courage to help with this mammoth task. He had a rummage through a bin, trying to see if he could find something amber and fizzy. He felt something prickly. He pulled out his rubbish encrusted hand to find a dead hedgehog.......................................
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Post by Fiona on Dec 2, 2006 0:07:05 GMT
Quaid studied the map carefully whilst travelling on a friendly rather hairy 3 legged cross eyed jack russell on steroids which came from the distant land of the ochil hills where they struck a strong bond from their last adventure!
As they were walking over the hill they saw something which was very unusual indeed. It was so unusual it was hardly ever seen. They saw a little Pixie wearing a fully functioning rebreather. Quaid and his poochy pal approached the pixie. The Pixie introduced himself as "Bob" and intimated that he may well know where Quaid could get his hands on the custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo.
Quaid pondered on "Bob's" intimation whilst wondering how his canine friend cocked a leg and still stayed upright. Bob said 'I'm telling you nothing until you stop staring at that dog doing a pawstand'. Quaid apologised for his distraction and said "maybe you can help me bob?? i am trying to find a 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo" "AAAHHHH!!!!" bob replied "i know where to go and if you cross my palm with silver i shall tell you everything you need to know how to get the sword". With a sadden look upon the poor sprites face he replied "Unfortunately i own no silver, however i do have this mad, drug addled Jack Russell terrier with whom I have shared many experiences and stuck together through thick and thin and is very loyal and answers to the name garr" Quaid replyed. Bob was heartily unimpressed with the offer of a substandard terrier with obvious mental problems and history of drug abuse. Gar put on his best sad puppy eyes, which looked like he had a squint. Bob's harsh pixie heart melted. 'Who could resist such a troubled little fuzzball. I'll give you the info you need to find the 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo. It lies in the possession of the "Keeper of the Mankee Peeg", he obtained it in turn from the cross dressing transylvanian, who stays in a land far away. The cross dresser was once known to Quaid as a sensei of the underwater ways. These days, he preferred frilly undies to underwater. Still keen on tramping across hill and dale, sensei had swapped the joys of the seven sisters for the lesser joys of just two. As the sensei was not great in stature, the lesser joys were sufficient for him. Quaid set off in search of the keeper of The Mankee Peeg. To help him find her, he asked Bob if he could borrow a tight fitting basque and suspender set that he could hide under his macintosh. The secret thrill of dressing up again would keep his spritis up in his quest. Then he set off, with just a jump to the left............ and then a step to the righhhhhhhhhhhhttttttttt . He put his hands on his hips..."whit ye daen ye big jessie ye?!" demanded Quaid's inner voice, breaking him free of the silky delights of his dance. Furtively glancing around to make sure no-one had witnessed his cross dressing dance antics, Quaid headed off in the direction of the nearest Master Swordsman, also known to the inner circle as The Keeper of the Mankee Peeg. On his arrival he kneeled before The Swordsman and uttered the words of power. 'Oh My God, look at the size of that, you could have someone's eye out with that thing'. Then turning to look at the impressive array of sharp implements Quaid said "is this one a dive knife?", to which The Keeper (reaching down to his thigh) pulled out the mammy/daddy of all blades and replied "No, THIs is a dive knife, obtained from the Golden Halls of HeeBay, blessed be his name and it bitch slaps that tooth pick from Hattori Hanzo but if that's what you need, I'll help you.' The swordsman unlocked a massive door to reveal a hand crafted and fully fitting Kendo Nagasaki suit and hood combo, complete with zippers up the back. He exhaled slowly in anticipation and his breath escaped him like the low hiss of the tide going out. It really should have been like the tide coming in, but hey even Cowboys make mistakes. Quaid tentatively reached out, only to be slapped on the hand by the keeper. 'Get your hairy little mitts of that you thieving sprite, you can have the sword, not my favourite suit'. Quaid pulled his hand back and saw in the corner, the biggest glitziest ball gown he'd ever seen. "VIB's?" he asked "or am i mistaken, which is a very human failing and not one to be ashamed of at all!" "No, that belongs to the mighty G." replied the leather clad Kendo lookalike. "He looks after my mighty aray of gimp suits but permission must be sought to wear such garments many have tried and failed as the mighty G is a master P.r.a.t and moves with the stealth and speed of the wind!!! Quaid thought for a moment before deciding that people talked a lot of b******s these days. Feeling a little fed up, Quaid huffed and said 'listen Numb-nuts, am I getting this 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo or not. I've got a sea urchin to get'. The keeper. looking a little hurt at Quaids description of his nuts, said "that all depends.........can you solve the riddle?" "the riddle?" asked Quaid. "Yes, the riddle" replied the owner of the numbed nuts. "what riddle would that be?" Quaid continued. "the riddle..." stated the proprietor of the aformentioned desensitised dangly bits, ".........(cue drum roll) of diving! Riddle me this or riddle me that, which of you cut the nuts off me cat? .........What is it that forces you down more, as you go down, and that forces you up more, as you go up, in the water column?" "Um " said Quaid...."...well, if I knew that, I wouldn't be going to see the Mighty G would I. Now where' the chuffin' sword!' The Keeper merely smiled in Ming-The-Merciless kinda way, sneering " So Quaid, the riddle puzzles you and you find yourself unable to answer! " wahahahaha laughed the Kendo hood wearing evil-doer, in a way only the truly maniacal (and owners of numbed nuts) can. Quaid stood, legs astride and hands on hips before running throught the keepers legs, jumping on his back and pulling back his head by jamming his furry little fingers up his nose. 'Right you smug git, either give me the sword or prepare to be Quaided!' The keeper gave in saying "i thought that was illegal in 49 states!! and don't you have to be naked to indulge in Full-On Quaiding anyway?" Quaid stuck his fingers further up the nose - up so far he could tickle the keepers tonsils - and ululated the war cry of the true bo'nessian....."gies it ya bassa''. The Keeper, no longer able to handle the excessive nose tugging said 'very well, I shall give you the sword. You are a scary, hairy little person and my delicate schnoz can't take no more. The sword is in the stone. Quaid sprang over to the stone, which was a little slimy and pulled as hard as his hairy wee arms would allow. The sword sprung out and Quaid rolled back, knocking over the Keeper. 'Aiyah', the little fuzzball said, rubbing his shiny new sword with glee. "Cool. This will enable me to fend fend off villains and traitors as I continue on my journey for the final item!" Quaid exclaimed.
Quaid pondered (yet again) how in God's name he was going to retrieve the Sparkliest Urchin from Princess Fiona's crown. After all he didn't even have a clue where to find her, let alone how to snaffle her sparkly bit. Remembering that she had a penchant for strongbows finest canned apples he headed for the nearest hostelry hoping she'd had one too many and was getting her top off. He headed off for the nearest bar with a pool table where she had been known to hustle many a poor subject. As he skipped along, contemplating the possibly topless Princess, a plan hatched in his furry little head. Fearing he may need some kinda liquid dutch courage to help with this mammoth task. He had a rummage through a bin, trying to see if he could find something amber and fizzy. He felt something prickly. He pulled out his rubbish encrusted hand to find a dead hedgehog. After initial excitement of thinking it was the sought after jewel, Quaid pressed on with a heavy heart, wondering if his toil would ever end....
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Post by GScrym on Dec 2, 2006 10:28:41 GMT
Quaid studied the map carefully whilst travelling on a friendly rather hairy 3 legged cross eyed jack russell on steroids which came from the distant land of the ochil hills where they struck a strong bond from their last adventure!
As they were walking over the hill they saw something which was very unusual indeed. It was so unusual it was hardly ever seen. They saw a little Pixie wearing a fully functioning rebreather. Quaid and his poochy pal approached the pixie. The Pixie introduced himself as "Bob" and intimated that he may well know where Quaid could get his hands on the custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo.
Quaid pondered on "Bob's" intimation whilst wondering how his canine friend cocked a leg and still stayed upright. Bob said 'I'm telling you nothing until you stop staring at that dog doing a pawstand'. Quaid apologised for his distraction and said "maybe you can help me bob?? i am trying to find a 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo" "AAAHHHH!!!!" bob replied "i know where to go and if you cross my palm with silver i shall tell you everything you need to know how to get the sword". With a sadden look upon the poor sprites face he replied "Unfortunately i own no silver, however i do have this mad, drug addled Jack Russell terrier with whom I have shared many experiences and stuck together through thick and thin and is very loyal and answers to the name garr" Quaid replyed. Bob was heartily unimpressed with the offer of a substandard terrier with obvious mental problems and history of drug abuse. Gar put on his best sad puppy eyes, which looked like he had a squint. Bob's harsh pixie heart melted. 'Who could resist such a troubled little fuzzball. I'll give you the info you need to find the 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo. It lies in the possession of the "Keeper of the Mankee Peeg", he obtained it in turn from the cross dressing transylvanian, who stays in a land far away. The cross dresser was once known to Quaid as a sensei of the underwater ways. These days, he preferred frilly undies to underwater. Still keen on tramping across hill and dale, sensei had swapped the joys of the seven sisters for the lesser joys of just two. As the sensei was not great in stature, the lesser joys were sufficient for him. Quaid set off in search of the keeper of The Mankee Peeg. To help him find her, he asked Bob if he could borrow a tight fitting basque and suspender set that he could hide under his macintosh. The secret thrill of dressing up again would keep his spritis up in his quest. Then he set off, with just a jump to the left............ and then a step to the righhhhhhhhhhhhttttttttt . He put his hands on his hips..."whit ye daen ye big jessie ye?!" demanded Quaid's inner voice, breaking him free of the silky delights of his dance. Furtively glancing around to make sure no-one had witnessed his cross dressing dance antics, Quaid headed off in the direction of the nearest Master Swordsman, also known to the inner circle as The Keeper of the Mankee Peeg. On his arrival he kneeled before The Swordsman and uttered the words of power. 'Oh My God, look at the size of that, you could have someone's eye out with that thing'. Then turning to look at the impressive array of sharp implements Quaid said "is this one a dive knife?", to which The Keeper (reaching down to his thigh) pulled out the mammy/daddy of all blades and replied "No, THIs is a dive knife, obtained from the Golden Halls of HeeBay, blessed be his name and it bitch slaps that tooth pick from Hattori Hanzo but if that's what you need, I'll help you.' The swordsman unlocked a massive door to reveal a hand crafted and fully fitting Kendo Nagasaki suit and hood combo, complete with zippers up the back. He exhaled slowly in anticipation and his breath escaped him like the low hiss of the tide going out. It really should have been like the tide coming in, but hey even Cowboys make mistakes. Quaid tentatively reached out, only to be slapped on the hand by the keeper. 'Get your hairy little mitts of that you thieving sprite, you can have the sword, not my favourite suit'. Quaid pulled his hand back and saw in the corner, the biggest glitziest ball gown he'd ever seen. "VIB's?" he asked "or am i mistaken, which is a very human failing and not one to be ashamed of at all!" "No, that belongs to the mighty G." replied the leather clad Kendo lookalike. "He looks after my mighty aray of gimp suits but permission must be sought to wear such garments many have tried and failed as the mighty G is a master P.r.a.t and moves with the stealth and speed of the wind!!! Quaid thought for a moment before deciding that people talked a lot of b******s these days. Feeling a little fed up, Quaid huffed and said 'listen Numb-nuts, am I getting this 'gold' samurai sword from okinawa from master Hattori Hanzo or not. I've got a sea urchin to get'. The keeper. looking a little hurt at Quaids description of his nuts, said "that all depends.........can you solve the riddle?" "the riddle?" asked Quaid. "Yes, the riddle" replied the owner of the numbed nuts. "what riddle would that be?" Quaid continued. "the riddle..." stated the proprietor of the aformentioned desensitised dangly bits, ".........(cue drum roll) of diving! Riddle me this or riddle me that, which of you cut the nuts off me cat? .........What is it that forces you down more, as you go down, and that forces you up more, as you go up, in the water column?" "Um " said Quaid...."...well, if I knew that, I wouldn't be going to see the Mighty G would I. Now where' the chuffin' sword!' The Keeper merely smiled in Ming-The-Merciless kinda way, sneering " So Quaid, the riddle puzzles you and you find yourself unable to answer! " wahahahaha laughed the Kendo hood wearing evil-doer, in a way only the truly maniacal (and owners of numbed nuts) can. Quaid stood, legs astride and hands on hips before running throught the keepers legs, jumping on his back and pulling back his head by jamming his furry little fingers up his nose. 'Right you smug git, either give me the sword or prepare to be Quaided!' The keeper gave in saying "i thought that was illegal in 49 states!! and don't you have to be naked to indulge in Full-On Quaiding anyway?" Quaid stuck his fingers further up the nose - up so far he could tickle the keepers tonsils - and ululated the war cry of the true bo'nessian....."gies it ya bassa''. The Keeper, no longer able to handle the excessive nose tugging said 'very well, I shall give you the sword. You are a scary, hairy little person and my delicate schnoz can't take no more. The sword is in the stone. Quaid sprang over to the stone, which was a little slimy and pulled as hard as his hairy wee arms would allow. The sword sprung out and Quaid rolled back, knocking over the Keeper. 'Aiyah', the little fuzzball said, rubbing his shiny new sword with glee. "Cool. This will enable me to fend fend off villains and traitors as I continue on my journey for the final item!" Quaid exclaimed.
Quaid pondered (yet again) how in God's name he was going to retrieve the Sparkliest Urchin from Princess Fiona's crown. After all he didn't even have a clue where to find her, let alone how to snaffle her sparkly bit. Remembering that she had a penchant for strongbows finest canned apples he headed for the nearest hostelry hoping she'd had one too many and was getting her top off. He headed off for the nearest bar with a pool table where she had been known to hustle many a poor subject. As he skipped along, contemplating the possibly topless Princess, a plan hatched in his furry little head. Fearing he may need some kinda liquid dutch courage to help with this mammoth task. He had a rummage through a bin, trying to see if he could find something amber and fizzy. He felt something prickly. He pulled out his rubbish encrusted hand to find a dead hedgehog. After initial excitement of thinking it was the sought after jewel, Quaid pressed on with a heavy heart, wondering if his toil would ever end. Trudging along, all alone, he tried to work out where the sparkly jewel he sought might be. Suddenly a thought came to him. The best place to find such a treasure would be......
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