Storytime Kiddiewinks

[Sam]

Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown.
The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way.
The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black.
The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes.
These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?"
Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'....
" and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy'..

[Fiona]

Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown.
The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way.
The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black.
The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes.
These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?"
Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'....
" and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.'
Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he...

[cowboy]

Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown.
The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way.
The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black.
The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes.
These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?"
Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'....
" and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.'
Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he revelled in his natural state- free of the inhibitions society clothed him with ......"mwrhahhamsharg" he exclaimed in fluent Bo'nessian.

[GScrym]

Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown.
The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way.
The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black.
The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes.
These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?"
Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'....
" and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.'
Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he revelled in his natural state- free of the inhibitions society clothed him with ......"mwrhahhamsharg" he exclaimed in fluent Bo'nessian. He set off, delightfully naked, to find a wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha. He waved bye-bye to the VIB and smiled when he noticed the red suit had buried itself into all the important areas.

[divermckay]

Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown.
The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way.
The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black.
The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes.
These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?"
Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'....
" and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.'
Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he revelled in his natural state- free of the inhibitions society clothed him with ......"mwrhahhamsharg" he exclaimed in fluent Bo'nessian. He set off, delightfully naked, to find a wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha. He waved bye-bye to the VIB and smiled when he noticed the red suit had buried itself into all the important areas.
Quaid started to wonder where he could find a sthingy, He had heard that the inhabitants of easterhouse had destroyed all the trees to make sthingys thousands of years before, so it was unlikely there would be any left, then realising they were a warrior caste he

[Fiona]

Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown.
The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way.
The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black.
The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes.
These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?"
Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'....
" and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.'
Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he revelled in his natural state- free of the inhibitions society clothed him with ......"mwrhahhamsharg" he exclaimed in fluent Bo'nessian. He set off, delightfully naked, to find a wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha. He waved bye-bye to the VIB and smiled when he noticed the red suit had buried itself into all the important areas.
Quaid started to wonder where he could find a sthingy, He had heard that the inhabitants of easterhouse had destroyed all the trees to make sthingys thousands of years before, so it was unlikely there would be any left, then realising they were a warrior caste he wondered if any of the older residents would still have one stashed away for protection purposes. Donning his bullet proof vest,

[cowboy]

Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown.
The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way.
The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black.
The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes.
These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?"
Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'....
" and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.'
Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he revelled in his natural state- free of the inhibitions society clothed him with ......"mwrhahhamsharg" he exclaimed in fluent Bo'nessian. He set off, delightfully naked, to find a wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha. He waved bye-bye to the VIB and smiled when he noticed the red suit had buried itself into all the important areas.
Quaid started to wonder where he could find a sthingy, He had heard that the inhabitants of easterhouse had destroyed all the trees to make sthingys thousands of years before, so it was unlikely there would be any left, then realising they were a warrior caste he wondered if any of the older residents would still have one stashed away for protection purposes. Donning his bullet proof vest, he prepared to leave his dear Bo'ness for climes foreign and unknown - but sadly forgot to pack his universal translator.

[Sam]

Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown.
The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way.
The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black.
The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes.
These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?"
Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'....
" and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.'
Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he revelled in his natural state- free of the inhibitions society clothed him with ......"mwrhahhamsharg" he exclaimed in fluent Bo'nessian. He set off, delightfully naked, to find a wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha. He waved bye-bye to the VIB and smiled when he noticed the red suit had buried itself into all the important areas.
Quaid started to wonder where he could find a sthingy, He had heard that the inhabitants of easterhouse had destroyed all the trees to make sthingys thousands of years before, so it was unlikely there would be any left, then realising they were a warrior caste he wondered if any of the older residents would still have one stashed away for protection purposes. Donning his bullet proof vest, he prepared to leave his dear Bo'ness for climes foreign and unknown - but sadly forgot to pack his universal translator. 'Never mind' he thought' I can always use sign language to communicate with them'. Wearing the VIBs magic shoes, Quaid clicked his heels and...

[divermckay]

Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown.
The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way.
The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black.
The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes.
These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?"
Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'....
" and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.'
Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he revelled in his natural state- free of the inhibitions society clothed him with ......"mwrhahhamsharg" he exclaimed in fluent Bo'nessian. He set off, delightfully naked, to find a wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha. He waved bye-bye to the VIB and smiled when he noticed the red suit had buried itself into all the important areas.
Quaid started to wonder where he could find a sthingy, He had heard that the inhabitants of easterhouse had destroyed all the trees to make sthingys thousands of years before, so it was unlikely there would be any left, then realising they were a warrior caste he wondered if any of the older residents would still have one stashed away for protection purposes. Donning his bullet proof vest, he prepared to leave his dear Bo'ness for climes foreign and unknown - but sadly forgot to pack his universal translator. 'Never mind' he thought' I can always use sign language to communicate with them'. Wearing the VIBs magic shoes, Quaid clicked his heels and farted "ooops thats going to smell , teeeheeee if nothing else it gives the VIB something else to remember me by".
Many days past before he sighted civilization (locally called govan) where

[Fiona]

Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown.
The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way.
The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black.
The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes.
These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?"
Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'....
" and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.'
Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he revelled in his natural state- free of the inhibitions society clothed him with ......"mwrhahhamsharg" he exclaimed in fluent Bo'nessian. He set off, delightfully naked, to find a wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha. He waved bye-bye to the VIB and smiled when he noticed the red suit had buried itself into all the important areas.
Quaid started to wonder where he could find a sthingy, He had heard that the inhabitants of easterhouse had destroyed all the trees to make sthingys thousands of years before, so it was unlikely there would be any left, then realising they were a warrior caste he wondered if any of the older residents would still have one stashed away for protection purposes. Donning his bullet proof vest, he prepared to leave his dear Bo'ness for climes foreign and unknown - but sadly forgot to pack his universal translator. 'Never mind' he thought' I can always use sign language to communicate with them'. Wearing the VIBs magic shoes, Quaid clicked his heels and farted "ooops thats going to smell , teeeheeee if nothing else it gives the VIB something else to remember me by".
Many days past before he sighted civilization (locally called govan) where he found that Easterhouse was not the roughest place on the planet after all!

[Fiona]

Does no one care about Quaid anymore? He's all alone in Govan for f****s sake. Surely there's a story here! Violence, drugs, Buckfast, RFC - take your pick or send him somewhere else to find his sthingy but don't abandon him in his hour of need.

[gareth]

Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown.
The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way.
The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black.
The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes.
These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?"
Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'....
" and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.'
Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he revelled in his natural state- free of the inhibitions society clothed him with ......"mwrhahhamsharg" he exclaimed in fluent Bo'nessian. He set off, delightfully naked, to find a wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha. He waved bye-bye to the VIB and smiled when he noticed the red suit had buried itself into all the important areas.
Quaid started to wonder where he could find a sthingy, He had heard that the inhabitants of easterhouse had destroyed all the trees to make sthingys thousands of years before, so it was unlikely there would be any left, then realising they were a warrior caste he wondered if any of the older residents would still have one stashed away for protection purposes. Donning his bullet proof vest, he prepared to leave his dear Bo'ness for climes foreign and unknown - but sadly forgot to pack his universal translator. 'Never mind' he thought' I can always use sign language to communicate with them'. Wearing the VIBs magic shoes, Quaid clicked his heels and farted "ooops thats going to smell , teeeheeee if nothing else it gives the VIB something else to remember me by".
Many days past before he sighted civilization (locally called govan) where he found that Easterhouse was not the roughest place on the planet after all!
However having no idea where to find his sthingy he decided to ask a local........................

[cowboy]

Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown.
The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way.
The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black.
The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes.
These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?"
Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'....
" and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.'
Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he revelled in his natural state- free of the inhibitions society clothed him with ......"mwrhahhamsharg" he exclaimed in fluent Bo'nessian. He set off, delightfully naked, to find a wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha. He waved bye-bye to the VIB and smiled when he noticed the red suit had buried itself into all the important areas.
Quaid started to wonder where he could find a sthingy, He had heard that the inhabitants of easterhouse had destroyed all the trees to make sthingys thousands of years before, so it was unlikely there would be any left, then realising they were a warrior caste he wondered if any of the older residents would still have one stashed away for protection purposes. Donning his bullet proof vest, he prepared to leave his dear Bo'ness for climes foreign and unknown - but sadly forgot to pack his universal translator. 'Never mind' he thought' I can always use sign language to communicate with them'. Wearing the VIBs magic shoes, Quaid clicked his heels and farted "ooops thats going to smell , teeeheeee if nothing else it gives the VIB something else to remember me by".
Many days past before he sighted civilization (locally called govan) where he found that Easterhouse was not the roughest place on the planet after all!
However having no idea where to find his sthingy he decided to ask a local - "haeuneidyawhurullfinemasthingy?" he asked, trying to pronounce each word clearly for the Govanite.

[Sam]

Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown.
The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way.
The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black.
The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes.
These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?"
Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'....
" and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.'
Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he revelled in his natural state- free of the inhibitions society clothed him with ......"mwrhahhamsharg" he exclaimed in fluent Bo'nessian. He set off, delightfully naked, to find a wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha. He waved bye-bye to the VIB and smiled when he noticed the red suit had buried itself into all the important areas.
Quaid started to wonder where he could find a sthingy, He had heard that the inhabitants of easterhouse had destroyed all the trees to make sthingys thousands of years before, so it was unlikely there would be any left, then realising they were a warrior caste he wondered if any of the older residents would still have one stashed away for protection purposes. Donning his bullet proof vest, he prepared to leave his dear Bo'ness for climes foreign and unknown - but sadly forgot to pack his universal translator. 'Never mind' he thought' I can always use sign language to communicate with them'. Wearing the VIBs magic shoes, Quaid clicked his heels and farted "ooops thats going to smell , teeeheeee if nothing else it gives the VIB something else to remember me by".
Many days past before he sighted civilization (locally called govan) where he found that Easterhouse was not the roughest place on the planet after all!
However having no idea where to find his sthingy he decided to ask a local - "haeuneidyawhurullfinemasthingy?" he asked, trying to pronounce each word clearly for the Govanite.
'weeeil aye an naw' said the Govanite as he readjusted his burberry baseball cap 'wassit it te ye?' he demanded...

[divermckay]

Once upon a time there was a happy little sprite that lived at Reed towers under the stair who wanted to learn more about a famous bearded dive guru. The little sprite asked Mr Reed if he could meet the beardy one. Mr. Reed replied, "Before I grant you your wish, you must find for me the following 5 items ;- 1. Kendo Nagasakis hood, 2. The magic shoes of the Vision in Black, 3. A wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha 4. The custom made 'Gold' samurai sword from Okinawa from master craftsman Hattori Hanzo and 5. The sparkliest sea urchin from Dive Princess Fiona's crown.
The little Bo'nessian sprite left on his quest for the five objects and a name that suited his charismatic nature and his growing obsession with inner space. He thought his name was Quaid, but wasn't sure if if people would stop calling him Mark. Pondering this thought, he proceeded on his merry way.
The sprite packed his little knapsack and set off for Mistress G's dungeon, for she was the keeper of Kendo Nagasakis hood and Pamela Andersons red swimsuit complete with the famous large bumps sown in the front with a roll of tape for that added security lying nearby. Unfortunately Pammies suit wasnt on Quaids quest list, but Kendos hood also being red would match it swimmingly so he tried it on and decided to take it anyway. However, little Quaid soon discovered that the swimsuit chaffed quite badly... "Be a good gimp and take the pain" ordered Mistress G, before demanding that he wear Kendos hood as well. Elated that he now had the first item and a bonus item, Quaid set off on his quest for the other items , swimming the long swim to the land of "Zambullidor" arriving at the port of "Viejo y muy gay" - a land first colonised by Spanish settlers. On arrival at the port, Quaid was greeted by the amazing sight of everyone dressed in black, for this was the land of the followers of The Vision in Black.
The black was of a shade so dark that not even the fabled lost FAMI would be able to lighten the depths of the darkness, Quaid was lost. This was no time for tears though and he pressed on to look for the Vision in Black's magic shoes.
These were the shoes that could transport him to the totally mad world of underwater sneakybeaky covert ninja combat. It was well after midnight when Quaid located the VIB, he was in a loud and vibrant farting mood. Many and proud were his calls through the still night air. The local admirers of his dark fashion sense were in awe at the sheen on his peaked hat and hot pants , second only to the gleeming veneered teeth. With his bling medallion around his impressive water feature, the VIB hailed Quaid and said, "Are you the wee guy who has been spreading nasty rumours about my gender preferences?"
Quaid turned as red as the swim suit he had on, with an impish grin he admitted that he had been asking about the VIB but swiftly added that he too liked black fluffy cushions and underwater MP3 players, with a twirl of his feather boa Quaid said you are the leader who wears the VIB shoes and it is said you have the biggest pipe around. The VIB replied 'is there anything I can give you so that I may wear that cracking red unitard you are wearing? It would really show definition on my glutes'....
" and cut you right up your sheuch " winked Quaid suggestively. In a flash Quaid removed his red unitard and pinged it at the VIB, VIB caught it in his teeth and sniffed " mmmmmm essence of man, here have my shoes i won't need them for a while as i'm of to my boudoir to try this thing on". Quaid, left naked apart from VIBs shoes and Kendos hood thought, 'Right then, suppose I better go find my sthingy.'
Still a little put out that the VIB had stolen his clothing, he revelled in his natural state- free of the inhibitions society clothed him with ......"mwrhahhamsharg" he exclaimed in fluent Bo'nessian. He set off, delightfully naked, to find a wooden sthingy carved with words uttered by Dive Buddha. He waved bye-bye to the VIB and smiled when he noticed the red suit had buried itself into all the important areas.
Quaid started to wonder where he could find a sthingy, He had heard that the inhabitants of easterhouse had destroyed all the trees to make sthingys thousands of years before, so it was unlikely there would be any left, then realising they were a warrior caste he wondered if any of the older residents would still have one stashed away for protection purposes. Donning his bullet proof vest, he prepared to leave his dear Bo'ness for climes foreign and unknown - but sadly forgot to pack his universal translator. 'Never mind' he thought' I can always use sign language to communicate with them'. Wearing the VIBs magic shoes, Quaid clicked his heels and farted "ooops thats going to smell , teeeheeee if nothing else it gives the VIB something else to remember me by".
Many days past before he sighted civilization (locally called govan) where he found that Easterhouse was not the roughest place on the planet after all!
However having no idea where to find his sthingy he decided to ask a local - "haeuneidyawhurullfinemasthingy?" he asked, trying to pronounce each word clearly for the Govanite.
'weeeil aye an naw' said the Govanite as he readjusted his burberry baseball cap 'wassit it te ye?' he demanded.Quaid instantly knew this wasnt a good response and thought he'd try for the upper hand and replied " whits it tae may?, a ast ye a simple queschin ya bam an ye talk taemay like that ,day ye ken or no afore a chib ye fur yur cheek"